The saddest part about aging is realizing the many moments that could have brought a completely different result in the quality of our lives.
If I would have accepted that job instead of staying in the same place for security reasons. If my mother, father, or whomever, would have loved me well I would be more emotionally stable. If my friend wouldn’t had betrayed me I wouldn’t have so many trust issues. If my spouse had been faithful to me, etc. etc. “If only” statements are endless and they exponentially grow in number and size the older we get.
Getting older gives us broader shoulders to carry the amount of pain that, while younger, never thought we would have to bear. Loving others hurt. It hurts when we lose them, it hurts when they leave us, it hurts when they grow and fly, or when they betray us.
Many people’s pain began as young ones. Losing a parent at a young age will change your brain chemistry and, in many instances, those children will begin to perceive life as unsafe, even if they had healthy attachments as children.
It is the accumulation of bad experiences that chip away at our souls and bring in sadness, bitterness, resentment, pain, and loneliness.
Many people view their life from this filter only, unable to incorporate the good moments and reprieves that life also brings our way.
When was the last time you had a good laugh with a friend, or even a TV program? What about some good news, a better job offer, healing from a loved one, or a promising relationship. Some research said that we need five good reports for each negative one, be it criticism or negative life experiences.
It is easier to internalize the bad, like we have a direct line to our souls when bad things happen, yet we need to work much harder to internalize the joyful, meaningful, happy moments that we encounter on our journey.
May I encourage you to list the good moments daily? Because they are there if we look for them. We mostly disregard them because it seems like the bad ones overtake us and multiply faster. But, the good moments, the God things, are there. Let’s become seekers and finders of the good times, good relationships, good job opportunities, faithful partners and friends. Good people who enrich our existence.
They are there, look for them.
Blessings your way,
Silvia
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