"Freedom of Speech"

I will not be able to sleep until I type the happenings of this day as they remain fresh in my mind.

I was parking my van and I bumped the car behind me; all of a sudden, this person sitting at an outdoor bar sees me and starts yelling at me. After I checked the car and saw that no damage was done, I realized it was not his car, so I went in my office, afraid of him yelling profanities at me. I called the police and after they arrived, to my dismay, they began treating me as I if was some kind of delinquent. I was trying to explain how threatened by this man yelling f.....n b.... several times at me, when, very matter of fact, the officer who supposedly was there to "serve and protect" me replied:"It's called freedom of speech." Meaning the profanities.

I still cannot swallow that statement. It will not go down no matter how many glasses of water I have already consumed. I felt violated, probably more by this officer of the law than the drunk who actually insulted me. I immediately lost respect for these two officers and in so many words I let them know it. To me "freedom of speech" has a much higher meaning. It brings thoughts of founding fathers, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness. Not anybody calling profanities at will and protected by our policemen. To me that is a total misuse of a phrase that should bring pride and joy. But that is that.

They let the profane drunk go, and here I am still upset. I could not press charges unless he verbally threatened me. Profanity does not count, of course.

Today I discovered a couple of things about myself: I did not like the fact that they were questioning my word. I am used to being believed, and these two officers were treating me as if I was hiding something. I rest my case that no damage was done when no report was even filed and the owner of the car finally said the car was fine. Still, the fact that they were acting as if they did not believe me was very unsettling to me. Second, from a mediation point of view, the officers did not validate my feelings, and it showed by my lack of cooperation. After some time going back and forth we were getting no where. I kept bringing them to the profanities and their uncaring way of bringing "freedom of speech." Finally, one of them said: "I don't' like it, but that's how the law is." Just by simply saying "I don't like it," it made me feel that I may be talking to a human being behind that uniform after all. I think after that I became a bit more open to cooperate. That was what I needed to hear.

The validation of feelings really made me realize what an important step it is and to make sure I allot enough time for my clients to express their feeling before any healing is possible. I learned I cannot hurry that step, the same way I cannot hurry venting. Those are two very important steps we were taught in mediation training, among others. The officers were constantly interrupting any venting and there was no validation. Hmm, I wonder who is training these cops in conflict resolution?

The point is I was able to feel in my own flesh how crucial and important these two steps really are. I am definitely going to be spending more time validating people's feelings. Sometimes that is all it takes to diffuse an argument: to feel understood. I know that was what I wanted. It makes me wonder if their mother or wife were ever insulted as I was, if they would have told them: It's called "freedom of speech." Somehow, I don't think so.