Guilty Christian?

Someone once said: "A Guilty Christian is an Oxymoron."

I like that. I agree too. Probably every Christian would agree. So why do we not believe it? Or at least, live as if we believe it?


Guilt is a nasty feeling and a very misunderstood one. It began as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they felt separated from God, bringing for the first time the feeling of guilt and shame. Many Christians believe that if they feel very guilty after a sermon, God was speaking to them. Just because they felt guilty. So what happens the following week when they don't feel guilty? Who was God speaking to? Why not happiness, if I feel happy after a service God was speaking to me, or sadness, or anger. Why feeling guilty means God's voice? Because the word guilty gets confused with Godly sorrow or conviction.


God does not send guilty messages to us. Our feeling guilty is our own problem. The difference between Godly sorrow and guilt is that the latter is perceived from the self. Godly sorrow is perceived from the "others" point of view. When God or somebody "makes" me feel guilty, I am only seeing how I feel regardless of the other person. I want to feel good again. When I feel Godly sorrow, my attention goes to "how I make others feel." "Others" focused instead of "self" focused. Guilt takes us back to the Law. Godly sorrow brings repentance.

Thank you Jesus because you paid our debt once and for all!

The Tree vs. The Fruit

We come into this world at a loss. We don't even have a chance to prove ourselves that we can obey God. Our forefathers Adam and Eve have already messed it up for us. So, we have a choice. Die in doom or be received by God through Jesus Christ, who chose to give His life on our behalf.

Now, to live in this physical life, we can say we all are under water. For the sake of this post, imagine a line; anything above it is God and sinlessness, anything below it it's us in our current condition, after the fall. All sinners, all under the same predicament. Some redeemed through Christ, some not.

To the redeemed, they are assured eternal life once they get there. However, they all have to go through the desert in this life before getting there. Wouldn't it be wonderful if by accepting God's gift of life we could just erase our past, forget our transgressions, be "perfect" until the day He calls us to be in His company forever?

Sadly enough, that is not how it happens. We are placed in this physical world and we have to learn how to navigate through it with His help. We forget sometimes that this is a partnership. God secured the promised land for the Israelites, but they were the ones that had to go and possess it, they had to fight the battles with their enemies, they had to be in the dessert for forty years, and be sick, and tired, and human.

As we go through this life we develop different issues depending on where life takes us. There is abuse, addiction, anger, doubt, lack of joy, you name it. Would it be fair to say, then, that sin -singular-separates us from God, and then they become our sins depending on our bent? The Sin of being severed from God grants us death. The problem is not the many sins mentioned above, those are the symptoms of a bigger problem: the tree.

A good, healthy tree produces good healthy fruit. A sick, unhealthy tree produces bad, unhealthy fruit. Connecting to God and others in this physical life in imperative to become a healthy tree that produces good fruit. Isolation, loneliness, hiding out, produces many of the sins we deal with today.

God calls us to connection and love from one another, weeping with those who weep and celebrating with those who rejoice. Lately, it seems that wherever I turn, there is a Christian marriage that is dissolving or has dissolved. Looking deeper into their lives, these people didn't confide in their brothers and sisters, but went at it alone. They separated themselves from the Jesus tree and became their own person, and their symptoms: anger, addiction, mistaken beliefs, perfectionism, etc. ruined their tree and it became sick.

As I navigate in this world full of sorrow I daily discover that people don't feel free to disclose themselves at their local churches because they are afraid to be condemned and brought back under the law, instead of freely be given grace to work through the symptoms before the tree dies. Help us Lord to stop killing the wounded. Let us hold on to the One who gives us grace and truth with love.

Happily Busy

I love it when we start new classes. They are all made of different people and needs and personalities. I have always found people so interesting. It almost feels like a puzzle to me, trying to figure out what piece goes where to see the whole outcome.

It is even funner -is that a word?-when 3 out of the four classes are different topics; and, on top of that, 2 of them are back to back, on two different week days.

Feelings of exhilaration, doubt, joy, and exhaustion surround our first meeting. So much to talk, so much to learn from one another. I can't think of anything more therapeutic than groups meeting for a purpose. Perfect strangers one day become dear to my heart in a matter of weeks. Some of these people have followed us for more than 20 weeks and sadness is evident when we say our good-byes.

As I teach with my partner about stress, anxiety, fear, boundaries, changes that heal, and so much more than surfaces in our talks, I remember my own experience when I was on the receiving end and there were no groups like these I could go to. Isolation is prominent when people are broken or hurt. This should be the time to run to our churches and ask for help. But I find the opposite is true. Most people withdraw when disaster hits. Anonymity becomes survival. Lots of the people in out groups are leaders in distress. Leaders that need their tanks filled to go out to the world and keep ministering to their wounded. I witness the body of Christ in action as we help one another become whole, replenished, and ready to keep on going for His Kingdom.

I feel so privileged to partner with Him. He has been preparing me for many years to see this day. I have tremendous respect for His creation and He knows it. And, I am humbly aware that He does the work, I am simply an obedient vessel.

Last night we started teaching a stress management class, and a boundaries class immediately after that. Wednesday we will have another boundaries, and a changes that heal group. Can't wait!

Topics to "discuss" with God.

I usually joke about a couple of things I will "discuss"with God about the way he made us.



I wish He would have given us a brain on-off switch. Would it not be wonderful to stop our thoughts at will instead of having to "take them captive" all the time?



I would also have liked to have a zipper in my tummy where I would open and close it at birth time. Seems a lot easier than having to push a baby out of a disproportionally small exit. I understand that the curse has some to do with this, but anyway, if I am going to dream, might as well dream big. Same for our throats, unzip, pop up a pill, zip, be done. I can't swallow pills in case you wonder.



I love free will, but sometimes I wish I were a robot like human being (is that an oxymoron?) I wouldn't know the difference, would I? So many decision would be done for me, and I would like them all.



On the free will-robotic topic, it would mean when I tell my children to do something, there wouldn't be any talk back whatsoever, ever, ever. People as well, they would all be on the same page..."Imagine all the people..." Ok, I'm scaring myself now.



I would like a screwdriver to unscrew my achy joints, lubricate, close, done until my next tune-up.



I would like gray hair to be a desirable thing, something that young girls can't wait to have.



I would like to be a robot like human with feelings. Good feelings, though. Forget sadness, anger, fear. Always content, happy, joyful, thankful (all the time), wise, wise, wiser.



I would like not to have to spend so much time on making a living, but have more time to enjoy God and His people.



I think I am describing a bit of Heaven on Earth in a very weird way.



Anyway, is there anything you would like to ask God about when you get to meet Him? In a weird way, not the usual "suffering in the world" stuff.

Thank God for Mentors.

I love mentors and mentorees. I believe I need both: to be a mentor to others and to be mentored by someone with more experience than me.

I spent two days at CCN -Christian Communications Network- being fully equipped for hours on end to a point of brain overload. I felt I needed to unplug my brain and reboot. Thank goodness for taking notes otherwise I would have lost all that information somewhere in the corners of my brain. Wait, there are no corners in the brain, are there?

Anyway, I believe Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend are one of the wisest people I have met. The reason I feel that way is because they are not threatened or afraid to deal with broken humanity. The cross is vertical and horizontal. I believe we replenish and receive from God and He uses others to help the healing process. "There is no healing in a vacuum." They are, as I am, big on Jesus with skin on. The power of small groups and community is imperative to heal from wounds.

Sometimes these doctors are sadly misunderstood because they don't say God in every sentence. But, in my humble opinion, they are way more Godly that many I hear religiously using the Lord's name to keep other's opinions quiet. After all, how can anyone question "The Lord told me so," and not sound heretic?

I appreciate their ability to acknowledge our humanity AND teaching us HOW to live life and hopefully conquer parts of it. I left refreshed and ready to minister to my groups and clients in a more complete, compassionate way than ever. It never ceases to amaze me how one can feel so different and fed by having been instructed by a true servant of the Lord.

I was able to give Dr. Cloud two of my Relaxation God's Way CDs, and he seemed eager to listen to them. If you ever get the Solutions DVDs from August 18 and 19 you may see me in the audience. Their address is http://www.ccn.tv/

Lake Tahoe.

Nothing like a few days away to bring me back to feeling centered. As I move away from everyday life I feel as if my daily struggles move away with it. I love vacations mainly because I love even more coming back home. I like my house in its messiness and all. I enjoy returning with a new perspective in life, realizing that my thoughts are clearer and brighter, my outlook in life more peaceful.

Lake Tahoe was fun. The "kids" loved jet-skiing as Everett and I watched them from shore wondering when did they get so big.

"Freedom of Speech"

I will not be able to sleep until I type the happenings of this day as they remain fresh in my mind.

I was parking my van and I bumped the car behind me; all of a sudden, this person sitting at an outdoor bar sees me and starts yelling at me. After I checked the car and saw that no damage was done, I realized it was not his car, so I went in my office, afraid of him yelling profanities at me. I called the police and after they arrived, to my dismay, they began treating me as I if was some kind of delinquent. I was trying to explain how threatened by this man yelling f.....n b.... several times at me, when, very matter of fact, the officer who supposedly was there to "serve and protect" me replied:"It's called freedom of speech." Meaning the profanities.

I still cannot swallow that statement. It will not go down no matter how many glasses of water I have already consumed. I felt violated, probably more by this officer of the law than the drunk who actually insulted me. I immediately lost respect for these two officers and in so many words I let them know it. To me "freedom of speech" has a much higher meaning. It brings thoughts of founding fathers, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness. Not anybody calling profanities at will and protected by our policemen. To me that is a total misuse of a phrase that should bring pride and joy. But that is that.

They let the profane drunk go, and here I am still upset. I could not press charges unless he verbally threatened me. Profanity does not count, of course.

Today I discovered a couple of things about myself: I did not like the fact that they were questioning my word. I am used to being believed, and these two officers were treating me as if I was hiding something. I rest my case that no damage was done when no report was even filed and the owner of the car finally said the car was fine. Still, the fact that they were acting as if they did not believe me was very unsettling to me. Second, from a mediation point of view, the officers did not validate my feelings, and it showed by my lack of cooperation. After some time going back and forth we were getting no where. I kept bringing them to the profanities and their uncaring way of bringing "freedom of speech." Finally, one of them said: "I don't' like it, but that's how the law is." Just by simply saying "I don't like it," it made me feel that I may be talking to a human being behind that uniform after all. I think after that I became a bit more open to cooperate. That was what I needed to hear.

The validation of feelings really made me realize what an important step it is and to make sure I allot enough time for my clients to express their feeling before any healing is possible. I learned I cannot hurry that step, the same way I cannot hurry venting. Those are two very important steps we were taught in mediation training, among others. The officers were constantly interrupting any venting and there was no validation. Hmm, I wonder who is training these cops in conflict resolution?

The point is I was able to feel in my own flesh how crucial and important these two steps really are. I am definitely going to be spending more time validating people's feelings. Sometimes that is all it takes to diffuse an argument: to feel understood. I know that was what I wanted. It makes me wonder if their mother or wife were ever insulted as I was, if they would have told them: It's called "freedom of speech." Somehow, I don't think so.