Yesterday was my daughter's graduation from Cosmetology College. Once she takes the State license test she can begin working on her profession.
Christa is very creative, artistic and talented. Even since she was a little girl she loved to paint, draw and create. It was only natural that she would choose a career in that field.
About 17 years ago when Christa was about 3 years old we were driving somewhere and all of a sudden she asked: "Mommy is that Heaven or Hell?" As I turn my head somewhat surprised by her question, I noticed we had just past a cemetery. Her inquisitive young mind was already trying to understand the spiritual side of her, as we were cultivating it daily with bible stories, church, Sunday school and talks about our Lord.
My prayer for my kids was always first about their spiritual life and second about their career choices. Today I praise God because her choices have consistently been about her love for Jesus even when it cost her worldly prices. I have seen her wrestling with options that seemed right at the time but also knowing God had a better plan for her. Christa has been able to discern her own question about "Heaven and Hell" and has grown to trust her Savior to guide her. I am forever thankful to God for my little girl.
If anybody wonders what I responded to her cemetery question: "It's neither Heaven nor Hell, their bodies are there but their spirits are either with the Lord, or without Him."
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Christian Meditation
Joshua 1:6-9 (New International Version)
6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Meditation on God's word yields the highest wisdom. On Psalm 119 there are several verses where the writer meditates on God's decrees, precepts and wonders.
Psalm 119:97-100 (New International Version)
97 Oh, how I love your law!
I meditate on it all day long.
98 Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
100 I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.
Christian meditation is one of the better ways to receive insight of what God is trying to say in His word, making His followers wiser than their enemies. Meditation simply means focused thinking. I always say if we know how to worry we know how to meditate. But, the meditation needs to concentrate on His word, not the worries and cares of this world. I know when I spend time in His word I come out centered, understanding life more clearly. I feel a sense of peace and security that I lose as soon as I wonder off from Him. The pull from the world is very strong; God's voice is soft. I have to choose to be there listening to it, filling my heart with it.
Meditation is as ancient as cultures. Christian meditation is different from eastern meditation because Christian meditation focuses on God and His teachings; not on mantras. There is a part of us that receives better when we are in solitude, quiet, relaxed. Our spirit is uncluttered of the many competitors it has all day long. My peaceful mind is able to concentrate and internalize His precepts and decrees.
There are so many things to meditate about from the bible. We can meditate on His unfailing love:
Psalm 48:9 (New International Version)
9 Within your temple, O God,
we meditate on your unfailing love.
Or on His works,
Psalm 143:5 (New International Version)
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
Or as mentioned above, on His decrees and precepts, on His word and His love for us.
There are many physical benefits from Christian meditation as well: it calms the racing mind, especially when there are compulsive thoughts taking over. It may help reduce blood pressure, and it calms anxiety by reducing cortisol and adrenaline release.
Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinks within himself, so he is." We are what we think, self-talk is the most important conversation we have all day. I want to make those inner-talks about God and His love for me by meditating on His word.
6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Meditation on God's word yields the highest wisdom. On Psalm 119 there are several verses where the writer meditates on God's decrees, precepts and wonders.
Psalm 119:97-100 (New International Version)
97 Oh, how I love your law!
I meditate on it all day long.
98 Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
100 I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.
Christian meditation is one of the better ways to receive insight of what God is trying to say in His word, making His followers wiser than their enemies. Meditation simply means focused thinking. I always say if we know how to worry we know how to meditate. But, the meditation needs to concentrate on His word, not the worries and cares of this world. I know when I spend time in His word I come out centered, understanding life more clearly. I feel a sense of peace and security that I lose as soon as I wonder off from Him. The pull from the world is very strong; God's voice is soft. I have to choose to be there listening to it, filling my heart with it.
Meditation is as ancient as cultures. Christian meditation is different from eastern meditation because Christian meditation focuses on God and His teachings; not on mantras. There is a part of us that receives better when we are in solitude, quiet, relaxed. Our spirit is uncluttered of the many competitors it has all day long. My peaceful mind is able to concentrate and internalize His precepts and decrees.
There are so many things to meditate about from the bible. We can meditate on His unfailing love:
Psalm 48:9 (New International Version)
9 Within your temple, O God,
we meditate on your unfailing love.
Or on His works,
Psalm 143:5 (New International Version)
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
Or as mentioned above, on His decrees and precepts, on His word and His love for us.
There are many physical benefits from Christian meditation as well: it calms the racing mind, especially when there are compulsive thoughts taking over. It may help reduce blood pressure, and it calms anxiety by reducing cortisol and adrenaline release.
Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinks within himself, so he is." We are what we think, self-talk is the most important conversation we have all day. I want to make those inner-talks about God and His love for me by meditating on His word.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
To Think or Not to Think...
When I think good, healthy thoughts, my brain creates new neuro-path ways instead of trailing the old well known road to negativity. Science tells me that, I teach it, I use it in my own life. This is true for all of us. However, it isn't that simple. It requires a complete, radical transformation of who I am at my core. It challenges my beliefs from birth and requires lots of work. And like anything worth pursuing, the payoffs are great.
I wish I could have a "delete" button and -voila'- I start fresh. Decades of negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, depression, self-doubt, self-criticism, perfectionism, victim/ worrier thinking, and more makes these thoughts familiar and comfortable. I don't fight the habit because it is what I know. One lady said: "I don't want to get out of Hell, I know the names of all the streets."
God even gives us Scriptures to dwell on that will help change the neuro- paths to where they need to be:
Philippians 4:6-8 (New King James Version)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Then why is it so hard to do? Why do I dwell on the bad thoughts instead of renewing my mind?
Partly because it is a default setting, I go there automatically; my sin nature takes me there with ease. To transform and renew my mind I need to make a conscious effort that requires diligence, will and work. It could be compared to working my muscles when I exercise. It takes work, for the most part it is not enjoyable, but once I begin noticing the rewards of my hard work, I find motivation and a desire to continue.
The good news is that I begin to create these new neuro- paths that help me bring my thoughts into captivity much faster that before. Dwelling on "What ifs" that most likely will never happen is not God's plan for my life. Trusting God means giving up trying to control everything, yet being good stewards of what is within my responsibility to manage. There's a big difference.
As I sit here contemplating life, I begin to recount Jesus' life. He had many reasons to feel sorry for Himself, but I doubt very much He did. I am sure He didn't go through life thinking how unfair His lot was. I wonder if He ever felt self-conscious when teaching, say, the sermon on the Mountain or the Parables. Did He ever worry Himself sick with feelings of inadequacy, or self-doubt, or drive Himself crazy with perfectionism or self-criticism? Did He ever feel like telling somebody off? How about road rage pushing other donkeys out of His way? He didn't even own a donkey, He walked everywhere he went and I am sure His cholesterol was fine; after all He got plenty of exercise and ate lots of fish. He spent time with the Father in regular basis, plus He loved people and had compassion for them. Even those who hated Him, falsely accused Him, even those who crucified and killed Him.
I am told to be more like Jesus as I walk the walk. What does that mean? I wonder what life would be if I got up in the morning and made a list of things I were to accomplish that had nothing to do with my own gain. What if my to do list was: 1. Go to Kaiser and visit three terminally ill patients, 2. Bring a meal to a sick friend, 3. Go Christmas shopping for homeless children, 4. Love your family regardless, 4. Expect nothing, 5. Love some more. Could I ever do this and not think about me, me, me, and my needs, and my wants, and my fitness, and my need for vacation, and the list goes on.
If -and that's the operative word- I was able to do that, would I be happier? Could it be that I am extremely self-preoccupied, self-absorbed, self-ish? It is a well known fact that in third world countries people have almost nothing yet they are happier. Need produces a bonding experience that removes "the have to have this to be happy" deception. I many times wonder if it would even be possible to ever experience His life to the fullest. Is suffering what helps me to become closer to my King?
As I write this blog, I am surrounded by sad situation after sad situation that is happening to Christians around me. Is it becoming an epidemic? Where does one go to not catch it? There is nowhere but back to Him. Is that what it will take to bring us back to Him?
I sound like Solomon in Ecclesiastes! I guess I am mourning with those who are mourning today.
As Jesus was a "man of many sorrows," so are we. Yet He promised "not to leave us nor forsake us." As I go through the valley of death He is walking along side with me. As I, in the physical realm, believe and internalize His many promises, and dwell on them, I begin to create new hopeful neuro- pathways in my brain that will help to bring together my body, mind and Spirit to be of one accord.
I wish I could have a "delete" button and -voila'- I start fresh. Decades of negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, depression, self-doubt, self-criticism, perfectionism, victim/ worrier thinking, and more makes these thoughts familiar and comfortable. I don't fight the habit because it is what I know. One lady said: "I don't want to get out of Hell, I know the names of all the streets."
God even gives us Scriptures to dwell on that will help change the neuro- paths to where they need to be:
Philippians 4:6-8 (New King James Version)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Then why is it so hard to do? Why do I dwell on the bad thoughts instead of renewing my mind?
Partly because it is a default setting, I go there automatically; my sin nature takes me there with ease. To transform and renew my mind I need to make a conscious effort that requires diligence, will and work. It could be compared to working my muscles when I exercise. It takes work, for the most part it is not enjoyable, but once I begin noticing the rewards of my hard work, I find motivation and a desire to continue.
The good news is that I begin to create these new neuro- paths that help me bring my thoughts into captivity much faster that before. Dwelling on "What ifs" that most likely will never happen is not God's plan for my life. Trusting God means giving up trying to control everything, yet being good stewards of what is within my responsibility to manage. There's a big difference.
As I sit here contemplating life, I begin to recount Jesus' life. He had many reasons to feel sorry for Himself, but I doubt very much He did. I am sure He didn't go through life thinking how unfair His lot was. I wonder if He ever felt self-conscious when teaching, say, the sermon on the Mountain or the Parables. Did He ever worry Himself sick with feelings of inadequacy, or self-doubt, or drive Himself crazy with perfectionism or self-criticism? Did He ever feel like telling somebody off? How about road rage pushing other donkeys out of His way? He didn't even own a donkey, He walked everywhere he went and I am sure His cholesterol was fine; after all He got plenty of exercise and ate lots of fish. He spent time with the Father in regular basis, plus He loved people and had compassion for them. Even those who hated Him, falsely accused Him, even those who crucified and killed Him.
I am told to be more like Jesus as I walk the walk. What does that mean? I wonder what life would be if I got up in the morning and made a list of things I were to accomplish that had nothing to do with my own gain. What if my to do list was: 1. Go to Kaiser and visit three terminally ill patients, 2. Bring a meal to a sick friend, 3. Go Christmas shopping for homeless children, 4. Love your family regardless, 4. Expect nothing, 5. Love some more. Could I ever do this and not think about me, me, me, and my needs, and my wants, and my fitness, and my need for vacation, and the list goes on.
If -and that's the operative word- I was able to do that, would I be happier? Could it be that I am extremely self-preoccupied, self-absorbed, self-ish? It is a well known fact that in third world countries people have almost nothing yet they are happier. Need produces a bonding experience that removes "the have to have this to be happy" deception. I many times wonder if it would even be possible to ever experience His life to the fullest. Is suffering what helps me to become closer to my King?
As I write this blog, I am surrounded by sad situation after sad situation that is happening to Christians around me. Is it becoming an epidemic? Where does one go to not catch it? There is nowhere but back to Him. Is that what it will take to bring us back to Him?
I sound like Solomon in Ecclesiastes! I guess I am mourning with those who are mourning today.
As Jesus was a "man of many sorrows," so are we. Yet He promised "not to leave us nor forsake us." As I go through the valley of death He is walking along side with me. As I, in the physical realm, believe and internalize His many promises, and dwell on them, I begin to create new hopeful neuro- pathways in my brain that will help to bring together my body, mind and Spirit to be of one accord.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Old Friend Reconnection.
This past week-end has been a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions triggered by sad and happy things taking place.
We went to Arizona for Thanksgiving to visit Everett's parents and on our way up we stopped to visit Sarai. We were not able to see her, but I visited with her mom for a short while. She is devastated to say the least, but has accepted the brutal reality of what it is soon to come. I am glad I saw her and very, very sad for what is happening.
In Arizona we had a great time; Everett's parents are the best cooks in the world and it was a great family time.
When we came back I reconnected with a friend whom I haven't heard of or seen for about 20 years. It took me right back to my youth and to the old group of friends that used to hang out together at the time. It took me to see what each one of them is doing today, some doing well, others not so well. Time is a weird thing. So it's our brain.
As I am writing this I am preparing for my Addiction and Recovery certification and just yesterday re-visited the difference between explicit and implicit memory. Explicit memory is the ability to recall some fact, information, or episode of life, in which you are aware that you are deliberately recalling the fact, information or episode. Implicit memories starts at birth (sometimes in-utero) and are the recorded feelings, sensations, and emotional experience associated with an event which are recalled automatically. It bypasses our pre-frontal cortex and goes straight to our limbic system, which is the "right now"part of the brain.
Certain memories, smells, feelings take us right back to being "there." When someone suffers from past trauma, one of the therapies applied is to help them recall the experience through the pre-frontal cortex having the person narrate the experience using the "thinking" part of the brain. This way it becomes a part of their life story, instead of being "felt" and re-lived and instantly being sent back to the experiential sensations of the limbic system. The hippocampus allows a memory to go from implicit to explicit.
All this to say that this weekend I went back to my past -triggered by an old friend- and it took me directly to the past bypassing my pre-frontal cortex. The memories don't have to be traumatic, but it is the traumatic ones that people need help overcoming. In a split second someone could be sent back to their horrible experience, whatever that may be, induced by a sound or scent. This is common with our soldiers suffering from PTSD.
We have all been transported to our past, so you know what I am talking about. Now you know what is going on with your brain as well. I find it fascinating.
My friend is doing great, married for 20 years, has two more kids and living in Costa Rica with his family.
We went to Arizona for Thanksgiving to visit Everett's parents and on our way up we stopped to visit Sarai. We were not able to see her, but I visited with her mom for a short while. She is devastated to say the least, but has accepted the brutal reality of what it is soon to come. I am glad I saw her and very, very sad for what is happening.
In Arizona we had a great time; Everett's parents are the best cooks in the world and it was a great family time.
When we came back I reconnected with a friend whom I haven't heard of or seen for about 20 years. It took me right back to my youth and to the old group of friends that used to hang out together at the time. It took me to see what each one of them is doing today, some doing well, others not so well. Time is a weird thing. So it's our brain.
As I am writing this I am preparing for my Addiction and Recovery certification and just yesterday re-visited the difference between explicit and implicit memory. Explicit memory is the ability to recall some fact, information, or episode of life, in which you are aware that you are deliberately recalling the fact, information or episode. Implicit memories starts at birth (sometimes in-utero) and are the recorded feelings, sensations, and emotional experience associated with an event which are recalled automatically. It bypasses our pre-frontal cortex and goes straight to our limbic system, which is the "right now"part of the brain.
Certain memories, smells, feelings take us right back to being "there." When someone suffers from past trauma, one of the therapies applied is to help them recall the experience through the pre-frontal cortex having the person narrate the experience using the "thinking" part of the brain. This way it becomes a part of their life story, instead of being "felt" and re-lived and instantly being sent back to the experiential sensations of the limbic system. The hippocampus allows a memory to go from implicit to explicit.
All this to say that this weekend I went back to my past -triggered by an old friend- and it took me directly to the past bypassing my pre-frontal cortex. The memories don't have to be traumatic, but it is the traumatic ones that people need help overcoming. In a split second someone could be sent back to their horrible experience, whatever that may be, induced by a sound or scent. This is common with our soldiers suffering from PTSD.
We have all been transported to our past, so you know what I am talking about. Now you know what is going on with your brain as well. I find it fascinating.
My friend is doing great, married for 20 years, has two more kids and living in Costa Rica with his family.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Natural Remedies for Anxiety and Depression?
I wonder how natural ways to help manage anxiety and depression are becoming well-known as scientific research improves on what causes the symptoms.
Is it fair to say that anxiety and depression could be the result of our fallen state? Our real self vs. our ideal self keep bumping into each other. We were created to be perfect and now we find ourselves in a imperfect world trying, to the best of our knowledge, to be perfect. But our imperfect minds don't know how to be perfect so we start judging ourselves and others, placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves, husband, kids, friends, family; telling ourselves that we should do this and that and be like so and so.
When we compare ourselves to others we lose because I compare my "true" self with your "front" self and I look bad. I don't know what is going through your head but I do know what is going through mine, and it isn't pretty. I have news for you, yours isn't pretty either!
Anyway, part of it is to realize that we are fellow strugglers, not super humans. Community brings reality to our expectations of all the "shoulds", "must" "ought", "have tos" that we place on ourselves and others. We need to go easy with one another and be kind and compassionate to ourselves.
Journaling is a great way to bring our thoughts captive. When one comes, I sit down and counter it with the truth of the situation and scripture. I compare it to how God really sees it vs. my distorted view. Once I understand it, I take action. I make a plan to make the situation better, I explain to myself that this is not true. I plan my finances, my kids education, my relationships, whatever brings the source of my discontent.
Taking action is a great depression- anxiety buster because we have a lot to do with our own happiness. Being connected to good friends is necessary to bring us back to center when we wander off. I am a firm believer on the power of small groups, support groups, any group that is open to share, not pretend everything is fine. Caution: it isn't that easy to find them, but when you do, it's a gift. Cloud and Townsend say "there is no healing in a vacuum." We need others.
Surrounding ourselves with scripture or short affirmations does wonders. Post-its all around your office, kitchen, bathroom mirror help to remember that the enemy comes to lie, steal and destroy us, but we are surrounded with truth.
These natural remedies for stress and anxiety and sometimes depression are found in the Bible.
I marvel that as science keeps advancing and finding "new" ways to cope, God had already said it in His Word. I would prescribe it once or twice daily for the rest of my life.
Anyone with depression should seek professional help as hormones, physical issues and/or clinical depression may be the cause among others.
Is it fair to say that anxiety and depression could be the result of our fallen state? Our real self vs. our ideal self keep bumping into each other. We were created to be perfect and now we find ourselves in a imperfect world trying, to the best of our knowledge, to be perfect. But our imperfect minds don't know how to be perfect so we start judging ourselves and others, placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves, husband, kids, friends, family; telling ourselves that we should do this and that and be like so and so.
When we compare ourselves to others we lose because I compare my "true" self with your "front" self and I look bad. I don't know what is going through your head but I do know what is going through mine, and it isn't pretty. I have news for you, yours isn't pretty either!
Anyway, part of it is to realize that we are fellow strugglers, not super humans. Community brings reality to our expectations of all the "shoulds", "must" "ought", "have tos" that we place on ourselves and others. We need to go easy with one another and be kind and compassionate to ourselves.
Journaling is a great way to bring our thoughts captive. When one comes, I sit down and counter it with the truth of the situation and scripture. I compare it to how God really sees it vs. my distorted view. Once I understand it, I take action. I make a plan to make the situation better, I explain to myself that this is not true. I plan my finances, my kids education, my relationships, whatever brings the source of my discontent.
Taking action is a great depression- anxiety buster because we have a lot to do with our own happiness. Being connected to good friends is necessary to bring us back to center when we wander off. I am a firm believer on the power of small groups, support groups, any group that is open to share, not pretend everything is fine. Caution: it isn't that easy to find them, but when you do, it's a gift. Cloud and Townsend say "there is no healing in a vacuum." We need others.
Surrounding ourselves with scripture or short affirmations does wonders. Post-its all around your office, kitchen, bathroom mirror help to remember that the enemy comes to lie, steal and destroy us, but we are surrounded with truth.
These natural remedies for stress and anxiety and sometimes depression are found in the Bible.
I marvel that as science keeps advancing and finding "new" ways to cope, God had already said it in His Word. I would prescribe it once or twice daily for the rest of my life.
Anyone with depression should seek professional help as hormones, physical issues and/or clinical depression may be the cause among others.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Nice to Remember
God is the Boss.
God would provide; we would depend
God would be in charge; we would yield
God was the judge; we would experience Life
God made the rules; we would obey
(From a book I'm reading)
God would provide; we would depend
God would be in charge; we would yield
God was the judge; we would experience Life
God made the rules; we would obey
(From a book I'm reading)
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sarai (part II)
In January 2008 I posted about Sarai's fight against cancer. (Please read it if you want the full story)
As life has it, Sarai had a bone marrow transplant from her brother, who was a perfect match, and there were high hopes of remission. She went back into a semi-normal life for a very short time. A few months. At one of her blood tests check-ups the doctors were surprised at how quickly the cancer had returned.
As they decided to go for a second transplant, her brother's blood was 100% in her veins, and they had the same DNA. Weird to think that. In fact someone told me they had to report this to the police just in case Sarai ever decided to go kill someone, her brother wouldn't be to blame; or vice-verse.
Doctors were having high expectations and her family was brimming with hope. I got an email last night that Sarai's cancer had returned, aggressively this time, and no much hope was the prognosis. All they would do now is chemo to keep her home for as long as the Lord decides.
Sarai is 23 years old.
Stories like these bring some perspective in my own life, and the silly things I may concern myself with. I can hardly imagine the pain they are going through. My prayers are with them, and needless to say I am quite sad at the bad news.
As life has it, Sarai had a bone marrow transplant from her brother, who was a perfect match, and there were high hopes of remission. She went back into a semi-normal life for a very short time. A few months. At one of her blood tests check-ups the doctors were surprised at how quickly the cancer had returned.
As they decided to go for a second transplant, her brother's blood was 100% in her veins, and they had the same DNA. Weird to think that. In fact someone told me they had to report this to the police just in case Sarai ever decided to go kill someone, her brother wouldn't be to blame; or vice-verse.
Doctors were having high expectations and her family was brimming with hope. I got an email last night that Sarai's cancer had returned, aggressively this time, and no much hope was the prognosis. All they would do now is chemo to keep her home for as long as the Lord decides.
Sarai is 23 years old.
Stories like these bring some perspective in my own life, and the silly things I may concern myself with. I can hardly imagine the pain they are going through. My prayers are with them, and needless to say I am quite sad at the bad news.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Blessings
"The secret of contentment is the realization that life is a gift, not a right."
I wouldn't be writing this today if my Lord hadn't granted me another day.
I am blessed to have the family that God has given me.
I am blessed by the beautiful sunshine peeking through my window.
I am blessed by the soft music playing in the background.
I am blessed by the special people in my life.
I am blessed by my pets.
I am blessed by my -oh- so comfortable bed, and my warm house, and my car, and, and, and...
There is so much more. Why dwell on what I don't have? I will continue in this thankful mood for a while longer. It is relaxing physically and spiritually. What are you blessed by today?
I wouldn't be writing this today if my Lord hadn't granted me another day.
I am blessed to have the family that God has given me.
I am blessed by the beautiful sunshine peeking through my window.
I am blessed by the soft music playing in the background.
I am blessed by the special people in my life.
I am blessed by my pets.
I am blessed by my -oh- so comfortable bed, and my warm house, and my car, and, and, and...
There is so much more. Why dwell on what I don't have? I will continue in this thankful mood for a while longer. It is relaxing physically and spiritually. What are you blessed by today?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Guilty Christian?
Someone once said: "A Guilty Christian is an Oxymoron."
I like that. I agree too. Probably every Christian would agree. So why do we not believe it? Or at least, live as if we believe it?
Guilt is a nasty feeling and a very misunderstood one. It began as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they felt separated from God, bringing for the first time the feeling of guilt and shame. Many Christians believe that if they feel very guilty after a sermon, God was speaking to them. Just because they felt guilty. So what happens the following week when they don't feel guilty? Who was God speaking to? Why not happiness, if I feel happy after a service God was speaking to me, or sadness, or anger. Why feeling guilty means God's voice? Because the word guilty gets confused with Godly sorrow or conviction.
God does not send guilty messages to us. Our feeling guilty is our own problem. The difference between Godly sorrow and guilt is that the latter is perceived from the self. Godly sorrow is perceived from the "others" point of view. When God or somebody "makes" me feel guilty, I am only seeing how I feel regardless of the other person. I want to feel good again. When I feel Godly sorrow, my attention goes to "how I make others feel." "Others" focused instead of "self" focused. Guilt takes us back to the Law. Godly sorrow brings repentance.
Thank you Jesus because you paid our debt once and for all!
I like that. I agree too. Probably every Christian would agree. So why do we not believe it? Or at least, live as if we believe it?
Guilt is a nasty feeling and a very misunderstood one. It began as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they felt separated from God, bringing for the first time the feeling of guilt and shame. Many Christians believe that if they feel very guilty after a sermon, God was speaking to them. Just because they felt guilty. So what happens the following week when they don't feel guilty? Who was God speaking to? Why not happiness, if I feel happy after a service God was speaking to me, or sadness, or anger. Why feeling guilty means God's voice? Because the word guilty gets confused with Godly sorrow or conviction.
God does not send guilty messages to us. Our feeling guilty is our own problem. The difference between Godly sorrow and guilt is that the latter is perceived from the self. Godly sorrow is perceived from the "others" point of view. When God or somebody "makes" me feel guilty, I am only seeing how I feel regardless of the other person. I want to feel good again. When I feel Godly sorrow, my attention goes to "how I make others feel." "Others" focused instead of "self" focused. Guilt takes us back to the Law. Godly sorrow brings repentance.
Thank you Jesus because you paid our debt once and for all!
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Tree vs. The Fruit
We come into this world at a loss. We don't even have a chance to prove ourselves that we can obey God. Our forefathers Adam and Eve have already messed it up for us. So, we have a choice. Die in doom or be received by God through Jesus Christ, who chose to give His life on our behalf.
Now, to live in this physical life, we can say we all are under water. For the sake of this post, imagine a line; anything above it is God and sinlessness, anything below it it's us in our current condition, after the fall. All sinners, all under the same predicament. Some redeemed through Christ, some not.
To the redeemed, they are assured eternal life once they get there. However, they all have to go through the desert in this life before getting there. Wouldn't it be wonderful if by accepting God's gift of life we could just erase our past, forget our transgressions, be "perfect" until the day He calls us to be in His company forever?
Sadly enough, that is not how it happens. We are placed in this physical world and we have to learn how to navigate through it with His help. We forget sometimes that this is a partnership. God secured the promised land for the Israelites, but they were the ones that had to go and possess it, they had to fight the battles with their enemies, they had to be in the dessert for forty years, and be sick, and tired, and human.
As we go through this life we develop different issues depending on where life takes us. There is abuse, addiction, anger, doubt, lack of joy, you name it. Would it be fair to say, then, that sin -singular-separates us from God, and then they become our sins depending on our bent? The Sin of being severed from God grants us death. The problem is not the many sins mentioned above, those are the symptoms of a bigger problem: the tree.
A good, healthy tree produces good healthy fruit. A sick, unhealthy tree produces bad, unhealthy fruit. Connecting to God and others in this physical life in imperative to become a healthy tree that produces good fruit. Isolation, loneliness, hiding out, produces many of the sins we deal with today.
God calls us to connection and love from one another, weeping with those who weep and celebrating with those who rejoice. Lately, it seems that wherever I turn, there is a Christian marriage that is dissolving or has dissolved. Looking deeper into their lives, these people didn't confide in their brothers and sisters, but went at it alone. They separated themselves from the Jesus tree and became their own person, and their symptoms: anger, addiction, mistaken beliefs, perfectionism, etc. ruined their tree and it became sick.
As I navigate in this world full of sorrow I daily discover that people don't feel free to disclose themselves at their local churches because they are afraid to be condemned and brought back under the law, instead of freely be given grace to work through the symptoms before the tree dies. Help us Lord to stop killing the wounded. Let us hold on to the One who gives us grace and truth with love.
Now, to live in this physical life, we can say we all are under water. For the sake of this post, imagine a line; anything above it is God and sinlessness, anything below it it's us in our current condition, after the fall. All sinners, all under the same predicament. Some redeemed through Christ, some not.
To the redeemed, they are assured eternal life once they get there. However, they all have to go through the desert in this life before getting there. Wouldn't it be wonderful if by accepting God's gift of life we could just erase our past, forget our transgressions, be "perfect" until the day He calls us to be in His company forever?
Sadly enough, that is not how it happens. We are placed in this physical world and we have to learn how to navigate through it with His help. We forget sometimes that this is a partnership. God secured the promised land for the Israelites, but they were the ones that had to go and possess it, they had to fight the battles with their enemies, they had to be in the dessert for forty years, and be sick, and tired, and human.
As we go through this life we develop different issues depending on where life takes us. There is abuse, addiction, anger, doubt, lack of joy, you name it. Would it be fair to say, then, that sin -singular-separates us from God, and then they become our sins depending on our bent? The Sin of being severed from God grants us death. The problem is not the many sins mentioned above, those are the symptoms of a bigger problem: the tree.
A good, healthy tree produces good healthy fruit. A sick, unhealthy tree produces bad, unhealthy fruit. Connecting to God and others in this physical life in imperative to become a healthy tree that produces good fruit. Isolation, loneliness, hiding out, produces many of the sins we deal with today.
God calls us to connection and love from one another, weeping with those who weep and celebrating with those who rejoice. Lately, it seems that wherever I turn, there is a Christian marriage that is dissolving or has dissolved. Looking deeper into their lives, these people didn't confide in their brothers and sisters, but went at it alone. They separated themselves from the Jesus tree and became their own person, and their symptoms: anger, addiction, mistaken beliefs, perfectionism, etc. ruined their tree and it became sick.
As I navigate in this world full of sorrow I daily discover that people don't feel free to disclose themselves at their local churches because they are afraid to be condemned and brought back under the law, instead of freely be given grace to work through the symptoms before the tree dies. Help us Lord to stop killing the wounded. Let us hold on to the One who gives us grace and truth with love.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Happily Busy
I love it when we start new classes. They are all made of different people and needs and personalities. I have always found people so interesting. It almost feels like a puzzle to me, trying to figure out what piece goes where to see the whole outcome.
It is even funner -is that a word?-when 3 out of the four classes are different topics; and, on top of that, 2 of them are back to back, on two different week days.
Feelings of exhilaration, doubt, joy, and exhaustion surround our first meeting. So much to talk, so much to learn from one another. I can't think of anything more therapeutic than groups meeting for a purpose. Perfect strangers one day become dear to my heart in a matter of weeks. Some of these people have followed us for more than 20 weeks and sadness is evident when we say our good-byes.
As I teach with my partner about stress, anxiety, fear, boundaries, changes that heal, and so much more than surfaces in our talks, I remember my own experience when I was on the receiving end and there were no groups like these I could go to. Isolation is prominent when people are broken or hurt. This should be the time to run to our churches and ask for help. But I find the opposite is true. Most people withdraw when disaster hits. Anonymity becomes survival. Lots of the people in out groups are leaders in distress. Leaders that need their tanks filled to go out to the world and keep ministering to their wounded. I witness the body of Christ in action as we help one another become whole, replenished, and ready to keep on going for His Kingdom.
I feel so privileged to partner with Him. He has been preparing me for many years to see this day. I have tremendous respect for His creation and He knows it. And, I am humbly aware that He does the work, I am simply an obedient vessel.
Last night we started teaching a stress management class, and a boundaries class immediately after that. Wednesday we will have another boundaries, and a changes that heal group. Can't wait!
It is even funner -is that a word?-when 3 out of the four classes are different topics; and, on top of that, 2 of them are back to back, on two different week days.
Feelings of exhilaration, doubt, joy, and exhaustion surround our first meeting. So much to talk, so much to learn from one another. I can't think of anything more therapeutic than groups meeting for a purpose. Perfect strangers one day become dear to my heart in a matter of weeks. Some of these people have followed us for more than 20 weeks and sadness is evident when we say our good-byes.
As I teach with my partner about stress, anxiety, fear, boundaries, changes that heal, and so much more than surfaces in our talks, I remember my own experience when I was on the receiving end and there were no groups like these I could go to. Isolation is prominent when people are broken or hurt. This should be the time to run to our churches and ask for help. But I find the opposite is true. Most people withdraw when disaster hits. Anonymity becomes survival. Lots of the people in out groups are leaders in distress. Leaders that need their tanks filled to go out to the world and keep ministering to their wounded. I witness the body of Christ in action as we help one another become whole, replenished, and ready to keep on going for His Kingdom.
I feel so privileged to partner with Him. He has been preparing me for many years to see this day. I have tremendous respect for His creation and He knows it. And, I am humbly aware that He does the work, I am simply an obedient vessel.
Last night we started teaching a stress management class, and a boundaries class immediately after that. Wednesday we will have another boundaries, and a changes that heal group. Can't wait!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Topics to "discuss" with God.
I usually joke about a couple of things I will "discuss"with God about the way he made us.
I wish He would have given us a brain on-off switch. Would it not be wonderful to stop our thoughts at will instead of having to "take them captive" all the time?
I would also have liked to have a zipper in my tummy where I would open and close it at birth time. Seems a lot easier than having to push a baby out of a disproportionally small exit. I understand that the curse has some to do with this, but anyway, if I am going to dream, might as well dream big. Same for our throats, unzip, pop up a pill, zip, be done. I can't swallow pills in case you wonder.
I love free will, but sometimes I wish I were a robot like human being (is that an oxymoron?) I wouldn't know the difference, would I? So many decision would be done for me, and I would like them all.
On the free will-robotic topic, it would mean when I tell my children to do something, there wouldn't be any talk back whatsoever, ever, ever. People as well, they would all be on the same page..."Imagine all the people..." Ok, I'm scaring myself now.
I would like a screwdriver to unscrew my achy joints, lubricate, close, done until my next tune-up.
I would like gray hair to be a desirable thing, something that young girls can't wait to have.
I would like to be a robot like human with feelings. Good feelings, though. Forget sadness, anger, fear. Always content, happy, joyful, thankful (all the time), wise, wise, wiser.
I would like not to have to spend so much time on making a living, but have more time to enjoy God and His people.
I think I am describing a bit of Heaven on Earth in a very weird way.
Anyway, is there anything you would like to ask God about when you get to meet Him? In a weird way, not the usual "suffering in the world" stuff.
I wish He would have given us a brain on-off switch. Would it not be wonderful to stop our thoughts at will instead of having to "take them captive" all the time?
I would also have liked to have a zipper in my tummy where I would open and close it at birth time. Seems a lot easier than having to push a baby out of a disproportionally small exit. I understand that the curse has some to do with this, but anyway, if I am going to dream, might as well dream big. Same for our throats, unzip, pop up a pill, zip, be done. I can't swallow pills in case you wonder.
I love free will, but sometimes I wish I were a robot like human being (is that an oxymoron?) I wouldn't know the difference, would I? So many decision would be done for me, and I would like them all.
On the free will-robotic topic, it would mean when I tell my children to do something, there wouldn't be any talk back whatsoever, ever, ever. People as well, they would all be on the same page..."Imagine all the people..." Ok, I'm scaring myself now.
I would like a screwdriver to unscrew my achy joints, lubricate, close, done until my next tune-up.
I would like gray hair to be a desirable thing, something that young girls can't wait to have.
I would like to be a robot like human with feelings. Good feelings, though. Forget sadness, anger, fear. Always content, happy, joyful, thankful (all the time), wise, wise, wiser.
I would like not to have to spend so much time on making a living, but have more time to enjoy God and His people.
I think I am describing a bit of Heaven on Earth in a very weird way.
Anyway, is there anything you would like to ask God about when you get to meet Him? In a weird way, not the usual "suffering in the world" stuff.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Thank God for Mentors.
I love mentors and mentorees. I believe I need both: to be a mentor to others and to be mentored by someone with more experience than me.
I spent two days at CCN -Christian Communications Network- being fully equipped for hours on end to a point of brain overload. I felt I needed to unplug my brain and reboot. Thank goodness for taking notes otherwise I would have lost all that information somewhere in the corners of my brain. Wait, there are no corners in the brain, are there?
Anyway, I believe Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend are one of the wisest people I have met. The reason I feel that way is because they are not threatened or afraid to deal with broken humanity. The cross is vertical and horizontal. I believe we replenish and receive from God and He uses others to help the healing process. "There is no healing in a vacuum." They are, as I am, big on Jesus with skin on. The power of small groups and community is imperative to heal from wounds.
Sometimes these doctors are sadly misunderstood because they don't say God in every sentence. But, in my humble opinion, they are way more Godly that many I hear religiously using the Lord's name to keep other's opinions quiet. After all, how can anyone question "The Lord told me so," and not sound heretic?
I appreciate their ability to acknowledge our humanity AND teaching us HOW to live life and hopefully conquer parts of it. I left refreshed and ready to minister to my groups and clients in a more complete, compassionate way than ever. It never ceases to amaze me how one can feel so different and fed by having been instructed by a true servant of the Lord.
I was able to give Dr. Cloud two of my Relaxation God's Way CDs, and he seemed eager to listen to them. If you ever get the Solutions DVDs from August 18 and 19 you may see me in the audience. Their address is http://www.ccn.tv/
I spent two days at CCN -Christian Communications Network- being fully equipped for hours on end to a point of brain overload. I felt I needed to unplug my brain and reboot. Thank goodness for taking notes otherwise I would have lost all that information somewhere in the corners of my brain. Wait, there are no corners in the brain, are there?
Anyway, I believe Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend are one of the wisest people I have met. The reason I feel that way is because they are not threatened or afraid to deal with broken humanity. The cross is vertical and horizontal. I believe we replenish and receive from God and He uses others to help the healing process. "There is no healing in a vacuum." They are, as I am, big on Jesus with skin on. The power of small groups and community is imperative to heal from wounds.
Sometimes these doctors are sadly misunderstood because they don't say God in every sentence. But, in my humble opinion, they are way more Godly that many I hear religiously using the Lord's name to keep other's opinions quiet. After all, how can anyone question "The Lord told me so," and not sound heretic?
I appreciate their ability to acknowledge our humanity AND teaching us HOW to live life and hopefully conquer parts of it. I left refreshed and ready to minister to my groups and clients in a more complete, compassionate way than ever. It never ceases to amaze me how one can feel so different and fed by having been instructed by a true servant of the Lord.
I was able to give Dr. Cloud two of my Relaxation God's Way CDs, and he seemed eager to listen to them. If you ever get the Solutions DVDs from August 18 and 19 you may see me in the audience. Their address is http://www.ccn.tv/
Friday, August 14, 2009
Lake Tahoe.
Nothing like a few days away to bring me back to feeling centered. As I move away from everyday life I feel as if my daily struggles move away with it. I love vacations mainly because I love even more coming back home. I like my house in its messiness and all. I enjoy returning with a new perspective in life, realizing that my thoughts are clearer and brighter, my outlook in life more peaceful.
Lake Tahoe was fun. The "kids" loved jet-skiing as Everett and I watched them from shore wondering when did they get so big.
Lake Tahoe was fun. The "kids" loved jet-skiing as Everett and I watched them from shore wondering when did they get so big.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
"Freedom of Speech"
I will not be able to sleep until I type the happenings of this day as they remain fresh in my mind.
I was parking my van and I bumped the car behind me; all of a sudden, this person sitting at an outdoor bar sees me and starts yelling at me. After I checked the car and saw that no damage was done, I realized it was not his car, so I went in my office, afraid of him yelling profanities at me. I called the police and after they arrived, to my dismay, they began treating me as I if was some kind of delinquent. I was trying to explain how threatened by this man yelling f.....n b.... several times at me, when, very matter of fact, the officer who supposedly was there to "serve and protect" me replied:"It's called freedom of speech." Meaning the profanities.
I still cannot swallow that statement. It will not go down no matter how many glasses of water I have already consumed. I felt violated, probably more by this officer of the law than the drunk who actually insulted me. I immediately lost respect for these two officers and in so many words I let them know it. To me "freedom of speech" has a much higher meaning. It brings thoughts of founding fathers, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness. Not anybody calling profanities at will and protected by our policemen. To me that is a total misuse of a phrase that should bring pride and joy. But that is that.
They let the profane drunk go, and here I am still upset. I could not press charges unless he verbally threatened me. Profanity does not count, of course.
Today I discovered a couple of things about myself: I did not like the fact that they were questioning my word. I am used to being believed, and these two officers were treating me as if I was hiding something. I rest my case that no damage was done when no report was even filed and the owner of the car finally said the car was fine. Still, the fact that they were acting as if they did not believe me was very unsettling to me. Second, from a mediation point of view, the officers did not validate my feelings, and it showed by my lack of cooperation. After some time going back and forth we were getting no where. I kept bringing them to the profanities and their uncaring way of bringing "freedom of speech." Finally, one of them said: "I don't' like it, but that's how the law is." Just by simply saying "I don't like it," it made me feel that I may be talking to a human being behind that uniform after all. I think after that I became a bit more open to cooperate. That was what I needed to hear.
The validation of feelings really made me realize what an important step it is and to make sure I allot enough time for my clients to express their feeling before any healing is possible. I learned I cannot hurry that step, the same way I cannot hurry venting. Those are two very important steps we were taught in mediation training, among others. The officers were constantly interrupting any venting and there was no validation. Hmm, I wonder who is training these cops in conflict resolution?
The point is I was able to feel in my own flesh how crucial and important these two steps really are. I am definitely going to be spending more time validating people's feelings. Sometimes that is all it takes to diffuse an argument: to feel understood. I know that was what I wanted. It makes me wonder if their mother or wife were ever insulted as I was, if they would have told them: It's called "freedom of speech." Somehow, I don't think so.
I was parking my van and I bumped the car behind me; all of a sudden, this person sitting at an outdoor bar sees me and starts yelling at me. After I checked the car and saw that no damage was done, I realized it was not his car, so I went in my office, afraid of him yelling profanities at me. I called the police and after they arrived, to my dismay, they began treating me as I if was some kind of delinquent. I was trying to explain how threatened by this man yelling f.....n b.... several times at me, when, very matter of fact, the officer who supposedly was there to "serve and protect" me replied:"It's called freedom of speech." Meaning the profanities.
I still cannot swallow that statement. It will not go down no matter how many glasses of water I have already consumed. I felt violated, probably more by this officer of the law than the drunk who actually insulted me. I immediately lost respect for these two officers and in so many words I let them know it. To me "freedom of speech" has a much higher meaning. It brings thoughts of founding fathers, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness. Not anybody calling profanities at will and protected by our policemen. To me that is a total misuse of a phrase that should bring pride and joy. But that is that.
They let the profane drunk go, and here I am still upset. I could not press charges unless he verbally threatened me. Profanity does not count, of course.
Today I discovered a couple of things about myself: I did not like the fact that they were questioning my word. I am used to being believed, and these two officers were treating me as if I was hiding something. I rest my case that no damage was done when no report was even filed and the owner of the car finally said the car was fine. Still, the fact that they were acting as if they did not believe me was very unsettling to me. Second, from a mediation point of view, the officers did not validate my feelings, and it showed by my lack of cooperation. After some time going back and forth we were getting no where. I kept bringing them to the profanities and their uncaring way of bringing "freedom of speech." Finally, one of them said: "I don't' like it, but that's how the law is." Just by simply saying "I don't like it," it made me feel that I may be talking to a human being behind that uniform after all. I think after that I became a bit more open to cooperate. That was what I needed to hear.
The validation of feelings really made me realize what an important step it is and to make sure I allot enough time for my clients to express their feeling before any healing is possible. I learned I cannot hurry that step, the same way I cannot hurry venting. Those are two very important steps we were taught in mediation training, among others. The officers were constantly interrupting any venting and there was no validation. Hmm, I wonder who is training these cops in conflict resolution?
The point is I was able to feel in my own flesh how crucial and important these two steps really are. I am definitely going to be spending more time validating people's feelings. Sometimes that is all it takes to diffuse an argument: to feel understood. I know that was what I wanted. It makes me wonder if their mother or wife were ever insulted as I was, if they would have told them: It's called "freedom of speech." Somehow, I don't think so.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thoughts on Birth.
I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby, Christa, I wanted to have a drug free experience at her birth. Everett and I joined this natural birthing class, and there we went learning the hee-hee-hoo, he-ho, heeeeeeee-hoooooooooo breathings depending on where I was in the labor intensity.
How fun it was pretending in my mind to have this baby; to prepare to, no matter what, have her without the aid of drugs. I would imagine myself happily breathing as I held my husband's hand and proudly enduring the pain of childbirth in a stoic and dignified portrait of womanhood.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! The day came and as my contractions happened closer and closer, we headed to the Santa Teresa Kaiser hospital all the way from Monterey. That was the closest Kaiser at the time. My baby was in a hurry to be born and as Everett was speeding trying to get us there sooner than later, I began to realize that the pain with each contraction was becoming unbearable.
We were told that our first baby would be most likely coming to the world in a slow fashion, that we would have plenty of time to rest, eat and chat at the hospital. As the intensity of my pain got increasingly worse, I realized I had changed my mind and wanted as many drugs as possible.
After all, I was only in the beginning of my labor and it was already immeasurably painful. God wasn't kidding when He said it would be so in childbirth as part of the curse. I decided then and there that I couldn't take any stronger pain without screaming in a horror movie-like manner, and that I would politely request for pain medication as soon as I got to the hospital.
"What is taking soooo long???!!!!? I want to be there now!!!!"
"Almost there, hang on, let's do the breathing together...he-he-ho-heeee-hoooo- we are at the hospital!!"
My sweet hubby found a wheelchair for me and as the automatic doors opened I yelled as loud as I possibly could: "Drugggsssss, give me drugggsssss, anything you haveeeeeeeee, pleaseeeeeeeeee!!!!! I could almost feel Everett's big eyes behing me wondering what has gotten into "all naturelle" wifey, but this was my pain and I was done.
When the nurse was done checking me, she indicated that drugs were not an option because I was in transition and the baby was to be born right now, as they quickly wheeled me to the birthing room. Immediately my whole perception changed, my pain subsided the moment I realized this was as bad as it would get; not being at the beginning of labor as I thought I was, but at the very end. I braced myself to push and have this baby, the excitement of her soon coming blocking everything else.
The point I am trying to make is that as my perception of the situation changed so did my whole outlook. Same pain, however now bearable due to a change in my way of looking at it. Our thought process is highly dominated by our feelings and perceptions and by changing the way we think, we can change the way we feel.
By the way, after our sweet baby was born I informed Everett to enjoy her because she was the only child he was going to get (by me at least). Two boys later, I am glad I had all three drug free. What's childbirth without pain anyway?
How fun it was pretending in my mind to have this baby; to prepare to, no matter what, have her without the aid of drugs. I would imagine myself happily breathing as I held my husband's hand and proudly enduring the pain of childbirth in a stoic and dignified portrait of womanhood.
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! The day came and as my contractions happened closer and closer, we headed to the Santa Teresa Kaiser hospital all the way from Monterey. That was the closest Kaiser at the time. My baby was in a hurry to be born and as Everett was speeding trying to get us there sooner than later, I began to realize that the pain with each contraction was becoming unbearable.
We were told that our first baby would be most likely coming to the world in a slow fashion, that we would have plenty of time to rest, eat and chat at the hospital. As the intensity of my pain got increasingly worse, I realized I had changed my mind and wanted as many drugs as possible.
After all, I was only in the beginning of my labor and it was already immeasurably painful. God wasn't kidding when He said it would be so in childbirth as part of the curse. I decided then and there that I couldn't take any stronger pain without screaming in a horror movie-like manner, and that I would politely request for pain medication as soon as I got to the hospital.
"What is taking soooo long???!!!!? I want to be there now!!!!"
"Almost there, hang on, let's do the breathing together...he-he-ho-heeee-hoooo- we are at the hospital!!"
My sweet hubby found a wheelchair for me and as the automatic doors opened I yelled as loud as I possibly could: "Drugggsssss, give me drugggsssss, anything you haveeeeeeeee, pleaseeeeeeeeee!!!!! I could almost feel Everett's big eyes behing me wondering what has gotten into "all naturelle" wifey, but this was my pain and I was done.
When the nurse was done checking me, she indicated that drugs were not an option because I was in transition and the baby was to be born right now, as they quickly wheeled me to the birthing room. Immediately my whole perception changed, my pain subsided the moment I realized this was as bad as it would get; not being at the beginning of labor as I thought I was, but at the very end. I braced myself to push and have this baby, the excitement of her soon coming blocking everything else.
The point I am trying to make is that as my perception of the situation changed so did my whole outlook. Same pain, however now bearable due to a change in my way of looking at it. Our thought process is highly dominated by our feelings and perceptions and by changing the way we think, we can change the way we feel.
By the way, after our sweet baby was born I informed Everett to enjoy her because she was the only child he was going to get (by me at least). Two boys later, I am glad I had all three drug free. What's childbirth without pain anyway?
Saturday, July 18, 2009
The Element of Time.
As I sit at my familial kitchen table with my computer in front of me, surrounded by lots of books, bills to be paid, laundry to be folded and the list goes on, I realize I am blessed. I have been alive long enough
to know that contentment is possible largely due to the element of time.
I had a young wife explain to me all her disappointments about her marriage, of the things that were not present in their relationship; her heart was in the right place but her expectations were unrealistic because she hadn't had enough time to put her marriage to the test of time.
How would one know that a husband would give his life for his family or a wife would care for her ill husband when not enough time had passed.? The element of time is present on our day to day walk and choices. The bubbly passion of the first year continues to mature year after year, decade after decade, until one day one realizes that working with life, not against it, accepting one's lot in life regardless of it being good or bad is what brings peace and contentment to one's heart.
I have had a hard life when compared to someone raised in this beautiful country that has not experienced death at an early age or had not had strong financial difficulties. And I believe that because of my experiences I have come to accept life for what it is, content with the outcome and through the passing of time, I have learned that most of my frets never came to pass, that by worrying sick I wouldn't change the future, that when I look back I can see His hand in my life and I can trust Him. I learned to do my part in any situation and truly let go of what I could not change. Most importantly, I learned that by prayer and supplication, thanking God, I would truly receive His peace that surpasses all understanding.
to know that contentment is possible largely due to the element of time.I had a young wife explain to me all her disappointments about her marriage, of the things that were not present in their relationship; her heart was in the right place but her expectations were unrealistic because she hadn't had enough time to put her marriage to the test of time.
How would one know that a husband would give his life for his family or a wife would care for her ill husband when not enough time had passed.? The element of time is present on our day to day walk and choices. The bubbly passion of the first year continues to mature year after year, decade after decade, until one day one realizes that working with life, not against it, accepting one's lot in life regardless of it being good or bad is what brings peace and contentment to one's heart.
I have had a hard life when compared to someone raised in this beautiful country that has not experienced death at an early age or had not had strong financial difficulties. And I believe that because of my experiences I have come to accept life for what it is, content with the outcome and through the passing of time, I have learned that most of my frets never came to pass, that by worrying sick I wouldn't change the future, that when I look back I can see His hand in my life and I can trust Him. I learned to do my part in any situation and truly let go of what I could not change. Most importantly, I learned that by prayer and supplication, thanking God, I would truly receive His peace that surpasses all understanding.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Cultivating Mindfulness
As I go through my day I periodically remind myself about cultivating mindfulness. I came to love the sound of those words and what they do for me. This is what I mean when I say "Cultivating Mindfulness:"
It is being in the present, moment by moment without trying to change it. Having a compassionate attitude toward oneself and others is part of mindfulness. Mindfulness can change the way one deals with fear and pain. As our practice gets better, we can learn to relax and stay present even when fear and pain move through the moment. It reminds me of "Be still and know that I am God." Through practice I am able to appreciate what I am doing now, allowing me to be physically and emotionally present with others and my surroundings. As I continue to be more aware, the natural consequence brings me to gratitude.
Having a grateful, thankful heart is one of the best antidotes for anxiety, fear, regret, envy, jealousy and the list goes on. One can't be thankful and envious at the same time. The same is true for anxiety and relaxation, is either one or the other. Thankfulness brings us closer to contentment. Our countenance reflects which one rules over us and sets the tone of our homes, our spouses and our children.
Journaling about the blessings in our lives, being aware of the things that bring gratitude and thankfulness to our heart will bring peace to our mind. "Be still and know that I am God." "Give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks unto the Holy one, give thanks because He gave us Jesus Christ, His son."
Next time I have a pity party or I am envious about something I will remind myself to read my own post.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Rats and Anxiety.
I feel good when I tackle something and get it done. There is a sense of accomplishment when I learn something new and apply it. It gives me a feeling of control; like I am conquering and stretching my horizons.
Rats feel the same way. A study that was done a while ago, had anxiety induced rats housed separately. To make them anxious, they were given a small electric shock at different times, randomly. The poor rats were anxious most of the time because they never knew when and where this pain was coming from.
A few days later, a lever was added to one of the cages, and, in time, accidentally at first, whenever the rat pushed the lever, the shock would stop immediately. As the rodents began to internalize this knowledge, as soon as the first indication of a shock would start, they push the lever and the shock would stop on the spot. Their anxiety diminished tremendously, and happy rats were playing again.
Lastly, they placed the rats in another cage with a lever they could push at will, but it did nothing to stop the electric shock. The shock would stop on its own regardless of the action of pushing the lever or not. The result: the rats were happy and anxiety free.
This is just to say that when we (and rats) feel that we have a certain amount of control over a situation, even thought it is not doing anything to fix it, we feel less stressed. That small amount of control and power helps us reduce some of the cortisol production. Helplessness and hopelessness are one of the big stress producers. We as Christians have a double lever to our disposal, our intellect to apply truth to the stressful situation at hand, and a God that is bigger than any hopelessness we may have.
Rats feel the same way. A study that was done a while ago, had anxiety induced rats housed separately. To make them anxious, they were given a small electric shock at different times, randomly. The poor rats were anxious most of the time because they never knew when and where this pain was coming from.
A few days later, a lever was added to one of the cages, and, in time, accidentally at first, whenever the rat pushed the lever, the shock would stop immediately. As the rodents began to internalize this knowledge, as soon as the first indication of a shock would start, they push the lever and the shock would stop on the spot. Their anxiety diminished tremendously, and happy rats were playing again.
Lastly, they placed the rats in another cage with a lever they could push at will, but it did nothing to stop the electric shock. The shock would stop on its own regardless of the action of pushing the lever or not. The result: the rats were happy and anxiety free.
This is just to say that when we (and rats) feel that we have a certain amount of control over a situation, even thought it is not doing anything to fix it, we feel less stressed. That small amount of control and power helps us reduce some of the cortisol production. Helplessness and hopelessness are one of the big stress producers. We as Christians have a double lever to our disposal, our intellect to apply truth to the stressful situation at hand, and a God that is bigger than any hopelessness we may have.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Meditation Part II (Read Part I first)
There are 2 types of meditation:
Concentrative and non-concentrative. The concentrative brings attention to a mantra or word repetition. I don’t use this kind. The non-concentrative brings attention to the relaxation experience, where whatever thoughts, feelings, desires, physical sensations arise, you don’t judge them, or resist them in any way. It helps you uncloud your perception of yourself and your life.
Meditation training includes:
1. Right Attitude
2. Cultivating Mindfulness
3. Commitment and Self Discipline
1. Right Attitude
• Beginner’s Mind: It is perceiving something with the freshness you would bring to it if you were seeing it for the very first time. It is seeing and accepting things as they actually are in the present moment. It's being child-like.
• Non-Striving: Pretty much everything we do during the day is goal oriented. Meditation is one thing that is not. Meditation takes effort to practice, and its aim is to “just be.” You are not trying to relax or relieve stress. If you are stressed or anxious you don’t strive to get rid of these sensations, instead you simply observe them and be with them as best as you can, not resisting them.
• Acceptance: Acceptance is the opposite of striving. As you learn to simply be with whatever you experience in the moment, you cultivate acceptance. In meditation practice, acceptance develops as you learn to embrace each moment as it comes, without fighting it. In life, acceptance does not mean that you resign yourself to the way things are and cease trying to change and grow. Acceptance can clear a space in your life to reflect and act appropriately. You free up energy to ACT when you are no longer REACTING to or struggling with the difficulty. Sometimes it is necessary to go through different emotional reactions around a problem before you can get to acceptance..
• Letting Go: You probably heard that to catch monkeys a hole is drilled in a coconut just big enough for the monkey to put his hand in. The coconut is tied to a tree by a wire. Then a banana is placed inside the coconut. The monkey comes, puts his hand in the coconut and grubs the banana. The hole is small enough so the monkey can out his hand in but cannot pull his closed fist out. All the monkey needs to do to be free is to let go of the banana, yet most monkeys won’t let go. Our minds are often like the monkey. We grab on to a particular thought or emotional state and we won’t let go. Cultivating the ability to let go is crucial to meditation practice, not to mention a less anxious life. Letting go is a natural consequence of a willingness to accept things as they are.
2. Cultivating Mindfulness:
Mindfulness is being in the present, moment to moment awareness. It is paying attention without judgment to whatever comes up in the present moment of your experience, without trying to change it. Having a compassionate attitude toward yourself is a part of mindfulness. Mindfulness can change the way you deal with fear and pain. As your practice gets better, you can learn to relax and stay present even when fear and pain move through the present moment.
3. Commitment and Self-Discipline: A strong commitment to work on yourself, along with the discipline to persevere and follow through with the process, is essential to meditation. Learning to make time “just for being” and not doing is a challenge sometimes. It is a similar commitment to exercise. A long term commitment to regular meditation will transform your life. It will change the way you relate to everything you experience in life on a deep level. I have been practicing relaxation and meditation regularly for many years now, and I can see the benefits in my own life.
Common Concerns that May Come Up. As you get ready to meditate you may have some questions and concerns. These are some of the most common.
• I don’t have time to meditate. Usually when you say you don’t have time for something, it means it hasn’t become a high priority for you to give it time. As you practice it and you feel less stressed, it would become a habit.
• When I sit to meditate it makes me more anxious. The question is, does it make you more anxious or is it possible that by stopping and sitting still, you become more aware of the anxiety that was already there? By accepting your anxiety and telling yourself: it’s just anxiety and I am going to calm myself by relaxing, the easier it will become to diffuse it. If you feel too anxious and agitated to sit down quietly, you may need to do some form of aerobic exercise first to release all that energy, and then go on with the meditation.
If you want to meditate to Christian music and Scripture check my website http://beinginhim.net/
Read Psalms 144- 150. It will lift your spirit!
Concentrative and non-concentrative. The concentrative brings attention to a mantra or word repetition. I don’t use this kind. The non-concentrative brings attention to the relaxation experience, where whatever thoughts, feelings, desires, physical sensations arise, you don’t judge them, or resist them in any way. It helps you uncloud your perception of yourself and your life.
Meditation training includes:
1. Right Attitude
2. Cultivating Mindfulness
3. Commitment and Self Discipline
1. Right Attitude
• Beginner’s Mind: It is perceiving something with the freshness you would bring to it if you were seeing it for the very first time. It is seeing and accepting things as they actually are in the present moment. It's being child-like.
• Non-Striving: Pretty much everything we do during the day is goal oriented. Meditation is one thing that is not. Meditation takes effort to practice, and its aim is to “just be.” You are not trying to relax or relieve stress. If you are stressed or anxious you don’t strive to get rid of these sensations, instead you simply observe them and be with them as best as you can, not resisting them.
• Acceptance: Acceptance is the opposite of striving. As you learn to simply be with whatever you experience in the moment, you cultivate acceptance. In meditation practice, acceptance develops as you learn to embrace each moment as it comes, without fighting it. In life, acceptance does not mean that you resign yourself to the way things are and cease trying to change and grow. Acceptance can clear a space in your life to reflect and act appropriately. You free up energy to ACT when you are no longer REACTING to or struggling with the difficulty. Sometimes it is necessary to go through different emotional reactions around a problem before you can get to acceptance..
• Letting Go: You probably heard that to catch monkeys a hole is drilled in a coconut just big enough for the monkey to put his hand in. The coconut is tied to a tree by a wire. Then a banana is placed inside the coconut. The monkey comes, puts his hand in the coconut and grubs the banana. The hole is small enough so the monkey can out his hand in but cannot pull his closed fist out. All the monkey needs to do to be free is to let go of the banana, yet most monkeys won’t let go. Our minds are often like the monkey. We grab on to a particular thought or emotional state and we won’t let go. Cultivating the ability to let go is crucial to meditation practice, not to mention a less anxious life. Letting go is a natural consequence of a willingness to accept things as they are.
2. Cultivating Mindfulness:
Mindfulness is being in the present, moment to moment awareness. It is paying attention without judgment to whatever comes up in the present moment of your experience, without trying to change it. Having a compassionate attitude toward yourself is a part of mindfulness. Mindfulness can change the way you deal with fear and pain. As your practice gets better, you can learn to relax and stay present even when fear and pain move through the present moment.
3. Commitment and Self-Discipline: A strong commitment to work on yourself, along with the discipline to persevere and follow through with the process, is essential to meditation. Learning to make time “just for being” and not doing is a challenge sometimes. It is a similar commitment to exercise. A long term commitment to regular meditation will transform your life. It will change the way you relate to everything you experience in life on a deep level. I have been practicing relaxation and meditation regularly for many years now, and I can see the benefits in my own life.
Common Concerns that May Come Up. As you get ready to meditate you may have some questions and concerns. These are some of the most common.
• I don’t have time to meditate. Usually when you say you don’t have time for something, it means it hasn’t become a high priority for you to give it time. As you practice it and you feel less stressed, it would become a habit.
• When I sit to meditate it makes me more anxious. The question is, does it make you more anxious or is it possible that by stopping and sitting still, you become more aware of the anxiety that was already there? By accepting your anxiety and telling yourself: it’s just anxiety and I am going to calm myself by relaxing, the easier it will become to diffuse it. If you feel too anxious and agitated to sit down quietly, you may need to do some form of aerobic exercise first to release all that energy, and then go on with the meditation.
If you want to meditate to Christian music and Scripture check my website http://beinginhim.net/
Read Psalms 144- 150. It will lift your spirit!
Meditation Part I
Meditation involves a process of focusing our attention on only one thing at a time and letting all other thoughts go. Simply put, meditation is “focused thinking.” If you know how to worry, you already learned how to meditate, although your focus is in the wrong thing.
If a thought comes to a meditating person’s mind, she should not resist that thought or judge it, rather she should notice it and let it go.
This is easier said than done because we are not used to it, it goes against our training to "doing" instead of "being". Most people in the industrialized Western cultures have come to enjoy being busy, filling time with activities, people and noise. Many do not understand the art of quiet, solitary meditation.
It is hard to find moments of quiet reflection left that are not filled with:
~Listening to the Ipod, ~Cell phone conversations/texting, ~Checking email or the blackberry, ~Doing a google search, General business, Face book. I am as guilty as the next person on this matter. Whatever happened to appreciating the moment, introspection, free play, doing nothing.
*From ancient times God has instructed His people to meditate on His Word:
“Do not let this book of the law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Joshua 1:8
I continually stress the importance of body, mind and spirit connection, how one affects the other and as all three components work together well they make us whole.
*Harvard medical school tested the benefits of meditation:
~ A decrease in heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen consumption
~ An increase in electrical resistance of the skin and alpha brain wave activity (both associated with relaxation)
*Meditation has repeatedly been found to reduce chronic anxiety and worry. Some long-range benefits may include:
~ Sharpened alertness
~ Increased energy level and productivity
~ Decreased self-criticism
~ Increased objectivity
~ Decreased dependence on alcohol, recreational, and prescription drugs
~ Improved self-esteem and sense of identity
~ Meditation helps to uncloud your perception of yourself and your life.
With all these good stuff happening, why do some of us resist relaxing and meditating, or don’t even like it? Besides what I mentioned before about busyness and noise, there are internal resistances to it.
*Meditation in Scripture not only helps us calm the mind and relax the body, but it also helps us to control our thoughts:
“For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)
*The Word of God has the power to reveal our wrong thinking patterns and help us to change them so we can be filled with peace and calm:
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
The unnecessary stressors this culture presses upon us can be overcome as we choose to meditate on God’s Word. Jesus said “The words I speak to you are spirit, and they are life” John 6:63. It is good practice to focus on God’s words and allow them to sink deeply into our hearts.
In our childhood we discovered the art of daydreaming. We used our imaginations perhaps to escape the circumstances we were in or to dream of what we would like to be or do. Unfortunately, as our minds take on more distortional thinking, hurt, pain, and worldly ideas, our imaginations become more corrupt and negative. People imagine catastrophes that will come to them, and many kinds of unclean thoughts.
From the beginning of mankind, after sin entered the world, our imaginations have been bent to evil:
“The Lord saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” Genesis: 6:5
* As Christians who have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we can fight this negative inclination to evil. Paul said:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think (meditate) about such things.” Philippians 4: 8
Choosing to think about what is noble, just, pure, and lovely things will cleanse our mind of many stressful factors.
In my next post I will explain the types of meditation and what they include.
If a thought comes to a meditating person’s mind, she should not resist that thought or judge it, rather she should notice it and let it go.
This is easier said than done because we are not used to it, it goes against our training to "doing" instead of "being". Most people in the industrialized Western cultures have come to enjoy being busy, filling time with activities, people and noise. Many do not understand the art of quiet, solitary meditation.
It is hard to find moments of quiet reflection left that are not filled with:
~Listening to the Ipod, ~Cell phone conversations/texting, ~Checking email or the blackberry, ~Doing a google search, General business, Face book. I am as guilty as the next person on this matter. Whatever happened to appreciating the moment, introspection, free play, doing nothing.
*From ancient times God has instructed His people to meditate on His Word:
“Do not let this book of the law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Joshua 1:8
I continually stress the importance of body, mind and spirit connection, how one affects the other and as all three components work together well they make us whole.
*Harvard medical school tested the benefits of meditation:
~ A decrease in heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen consumption
~ An increase in electrical resistance of the skin and alpha brain wave activity (both associated with relaxation)
*Meditation has repeatedly been found to reduce chronic anxiety and worry. Some long-range benefits may include:
~ Sharpened alertness
~ Increased energy level and productivity
~ Decreased self-criticism
~ Increased objectivity
~ Decreased dependence on alcohol, recreational, and prescription drugs
~ Improved self-esteem and sense of identity
~ Meditation helps to uncloud your perception of yourself and your life.
With all these good stuff happening, why do some of us resist relaxing and meditating, or don’t even like it? Besides what I mentioned before about busyness and noise, there are internal resistances to it.
*Meditation in Scripture not only helps us calm the mind and relax the body, but it also helps us to control our thoughts:
“For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12)
*The Word of God has the power to reveal our wrong thinking patterns and help us to change them so we can be filled with peace and calm:
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)
The unnecessary stressors this culture presses upon us can be overcome as we choose to meditate on God’s Word. Jesus said “The words I speak to you are spirit, and they are life” John 6:63. It is good practice to focus on God’s words and allow them to sink deeply into our hearts.
In our childhood we discovered the art of daydreaming. We used our imaginations perhaps to escape the circumstances we were in or to dream of what we would like to be or do. Unfortunately, as our minds take on more distortional thinking, hurt, pain, and worldly ideas, our imaginations become more corrupt and negative. People imagine catastrophes that will come to them, and many kinds of unclean thoughts.
From the beginning of mankind, after sin entered the world, our imaginations have been bent to evil:
“The Lord saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time.” Genesis: 6:5
* As Christians who have the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we can fight this negative inclination to evil. Paul said:
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think (meditate) about such things.” Philippians 4: 8
Choosing to think about what is noble, just, pure, and lovely things will cleanse our mind of many stressful factors.
In my next post I will explain the types of meditation and what they include.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
'Sup
It feels like the beginning of a new chapter as I sit here and ponder where time has gone. I find the irresistible smell in the air with all the possibilities that a new season brings, together with the newness that surrounds it, hard to explain. I surely know very well the bitter-sweet feeling that spring in the air awakens in my mind as I recall those awful childhood memories of sadness transformed into despair. Almost four decades have gone missing since that dark day, and yet, it is so vividly stamped in my memory for ever.
As I took Sup to the vet today, I knew she had nothing but bad news for my pup, and that sweet spring smell grabbed me once more to transport me back in time. I can't compare the loss of one and the loss of the other, but they both saddened me to the core. Feelings are different from emotions because they have the added element of our own senses embedded into the emotion, our own thoughts, familial surroundings, culture. As I look at Sup stretched in her bed, still trying to welcome me when I get home, half way wagging her cute little tail, it makes me realize she has had a good dog's life. I wish I have had it as easy as her sometimes, as she has been superbly spoiled by me. Looking back, I have no regrets about the way she lived in my company. So many times I wished we could switch places with one another, but she refused. We will continue with her medication until the end because I do believe in miracles, and I believe that God could grant my pup a little more time on Earth, and disregarding all the opinions about pets not going to heaven, I still believe I will see 'Sup again somehow.
As I took Sup to the vet today, I knew she had nothing but bad news for my pup, and that sweet spring smell grabbed me once more to transport me back in time. I can't compare the loss of one and the loss of the other, but they both saddened me to the core. Feelings are different from emotions because they have the added element of our own senses embedded into the emotion, our own thoughts, familial surroundings, culture. As I look at Sup stretched in her bed, still trying to welcome me when I get home, half way wagging her cute little tail, it makes me realize she has had a good dog's life. I wish I have had it as easy as her sometimes, as she has been superbly spoiled by me. Looking back, I have no regrets about the way she lived in my company. So many times I wished we could switch places with one another, but she refused. We will continue with her medication until the end because I do believe in miracles, and I believe that God could grant my pup a little more time on Earth, and disregarding all the opinions about pets not going to heaven, I still believe I will see 'Sup again somehow.
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