The Sadness and Joy of What Is, or Could Have Been.

Our brains grasp the reality of whatever is happening at the moment, which in time, accounts for many years and eventually, decades, full of memories.

The saddest part about aging is realizing the many moments that could have brought a completely different result in the quality of our lives. 

If I would have accepted that job instead of staying in the same place for security reasons. If my mother, father, or whomever, would have loved me well I would be more emotionally stable. If my friend wouldn’t had betrayed me I wouldn’t have so many trust issues. If my spouse had been faithful to me, etc. etc. “If only” statements are endless and they exponentially grow in number and size the older we get. 

Getting older gives us broader shoulders to carry the amount of pain that, while younger, never thought we would have to bear. Loving others hurt. It hurts when we lose them, it hurts when they leave us, it hurts when they grow and fly, or when they betray us. 

Many people’s pain began as young ones. Losing a parent at a young age will change your brain chemistry and, in many instances, those children will begin to  perceive life as unsafe, even if they had healthy attachments as children. 

It is the accumulation of bad experiences that chip away at our souls and bring in sadness, bitterness, resentment, pain, and loneliness.

Many people view their life from this filter only, unable to incorporate the good moments and reprieves that life also brings our way. 

When was the last time you had a good laugh with a friend, or even a TV program? What about some good news, a better job offer, healing from a loved one, or a promising relationship. Some research said that we need five good reports for each negative one, be it criticism or negative life experiences. 

It is easier to internalize the bad, like we have a direct line to our souls when bad things happen, yet we need to work much harder to internalize the joyful, meaningful, happy moments that we encounter on our journey.

May I encourage you to list the good moments daily? Because they are there if we look for them. We mostly disregard them because it seems like the bad ones overtake us and multiply faster. But, the good moments, the God things, are there. Let’s become seekers and finders of the good times, good relationships, good job opportunities, faithful partners and friends. Good people who enrich our existence. 

They are there, look for them.

Blessings your way,

Silvia

Stress and Anxiety mixed with Fear.

2 Timothy 1:7
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us fearful, but gives us power, love and self-discipline (sound mind)."

So why so many of us make decisions based on fear? Fear is the opposite of trust. Are we not trusting God and his word? Parents need to parent out of love and freedom, not out of fear and control. The same goes for other relationships-spouses, friends, family. At the same time we live in a dangerous world that gives us plenty of reason to be afraid. Where is the balance? Maybe to do the best we can with what we know and are able to do, and truly trust what we do not have control over? Hoping for a relaxed weekend with deep breathing in the mix...

Please visit our Being in Him Facebook page.

 

"Be still and know that I am God."

Managing Me.

After a season of change, renewal follows.  As I go through my new stage in life and continue to submit myself to this virtual surgical detachment from life as it was these past 20+ years, I keep realizing and hopefully learning that I need to take ownership of my new stage, and to joyfully make it work.

I am often reminded that my expectations do not match my reality and it is time, once again, to adjust my thinking. Very small daily changes in my thinking will lead me to huge, uplifting outcomes. Renewal is a process and it takes daily training to steadily enter the road to wellness.

As my season in life was changing I felt the need to add some tools to keep with the current times. I have a wonderful group of ladies that we meet for dinner once a month and we all look forward to this time. We pick a different restaurant each month and stay for 2 to three hours, non-stop talking, catching up with each other’s lives. We all live for this date. Connecting with loved friends is a gift from God and so restful for the soul.

I also belong to a Book Club that meets about every 6 weeks, and the goal is to read books that our husbands probably wouldn’t like, historical fiction many times, and enjoy each other’s company.

My basic survival tool kit includes proper, intentional thinking, enough prayer, rest and relaxation with deep breathing, making sure I process what I am feeling, mixing life up between fun, work, and family time and consciously enjoying what I have, -not dwelling on what I don’t have or lost. There is room in my life to add more exercise. Maybe it is time to find a small group of ladies who would like to walk with me?  

The biggest awareness comes when I accept that I can’t change others or the outcome of any situation, but I can ‘manage me.’ All that means is that I can decide what I am going to do with whatever situation that comes my way, knowing that I am not a victim of my circumstances, but I can choose how I am going to react and what I am going to do with it. My choice. And that is freeing.

A New Season Is In The Air: The Empty Nest Syndrome.

My new season in life is the empty nest syndrome. My children are of age to leave home yet we still enjoy their company due to school, work and the huge cost of living in this beautiful Bay Area we chose as our home.

Because my children are still at home doesn't mean that their emotional disconnection hasn't started yet. It has. And sometimes it breaks my heart. I have observed other mothers deal with this time in life either with a sigh of relief that it is finally here, while others don't seem to have an emotion one way or the other. It makes me feel awkward that I am so sentimental over this issue. When it comes to my kids I have to say I would vote for rearing children in a cage, a bubble, a closed sect with only the people I'd allow to live there, maybe buy a parcel in Mars. As I become increasingly aware that neither one of those is a good choice I realize I need to process this reality and eventually, accept it.

I am very proud of my children, their differences, their temperaments, their quirks, as well as their sensitivity, their kindness, their different ways to deal with life and it has been fun to observe what each of them is accomplishing. It makes me proud that though not perfect, they have adhered to a set of values that makes them healthy, productive, loving people. I have prayed for them years before they were conceived and God has blessed me with the best in the world. I would give my life for each one of them in a heartbeat. I have learned many lessons from them as well. They have taught me about being humble, in realizing my own imperfections and limitations; I have learned to give more of myself and increase empathy and patience. I have learned what I am capable of doing if anyone would ever try to hurt them, the mama bear in me is extremely protective and mean if needed. I have spoken up and defended my children from injustices. I have let them fight their own battles when appropriate, I have instilled in them that there is a God that will always love them and be there for them if they let Him. I have laughed, I have cried, I have experienced the highest mountains and the lowest valleys with them. Lots of these have gone unnoticed by them as I have also allowed them to enjoy their childhood and not burden them with real life too soon.

I have and continue to pray daily for them, for wisdom, body, mind and spiritual health, love, more wisdom, a love for their Creator, peace, kindness, and the rest of the fruits of the Spirit. I have prayed that they would get caught when they were doing something I need to know about. God has and still is honoring that prayer. I feel very attuned to their emotions and sometimes I simply "know" that something is up even when I can't put a finger on what exactly. I would like to be remembered by them as a mom that cared more for their hearts than their actions. Even when I would not agree with their choices I would be able to separate the person from the behavior. I strive to treat them with dignity and respect and to grow them to independence. And here I am, learning about the empty nest syndrome; letting them go, pushing them out of the nest, better yet, them pushing themselves out and me allowing it.

Like any new season in life, I will learn to accept it and enjoy it. I will look back and be thankful for the wonderful grandbabies I will some day meet. I look forward to meeting their spouses whom I have been praying for from birth. I look forward to a long, God led life for my children and for many generations to come. To you, Christa, Jesse and Josiah!! With love always,
Mom

Facebook

Facebook

It is so fun to observe people on Facebook. My husband thinks people should not publish their dirty laundry on FB. That is not the place. I agree. But, it is so fun to observe and realize so much about people just by their statuses.

On the one hand you have the practical ones. “Grocery shopping today, kid’s hair cut, games, vacations, etc.” Does anybody really care that much what others are going to do today? Probably not. I think it is more for the one writing the status to gather their thoughts and feel accompanied.

Then there are the Bible scholars. Scriptures fill most of their statuses and many (not all) feel justified for using such a mundane tool like FB because after all they are preaching the Gospel, thus not wasting time.

Others, again just my observation, are crying for attention. “Me, me, look at me!!!” They feel disconnected, left out, alone, and hope that FB will be their ticket to happiness.

Then there are the encouragers. Always a positive note, you can read a smile behind every statement they make, and they help people feel better just about anything others are going through. They are the ones that usually get more comments along with the jokers- if you are funny you’ll get a crowd.

There are the needies; They have so many needs that take many daily statuses to display the horrors of life. Victims of fate try to get the attention of the rescuers and they connect in their own way. It is almost therapeutic how that works along with the ‘insecures’ who cry out for someone to convey that they are OK, no matter what, you are loved. They seek reassurance and fish for belonging.

Then you have the thinkers. They philosophize and try to fix mankind issues in one liner. They quote clever proverbs, biblical or not, they show their wisdom through their status. Nothing ever becomes too personal, thus avoiding the whole emotional realm; too scary to display.

Ah! The complainers! FB is their place to show their dissatisfaction in many venues: political, life, TV shows, relational. The world should run a certain way only and they display the how. They could be the next candidate for president.

I believe an observer can do a whole psychological analysis on people by just reading statutes. The question is: How much of it is true? We all act differently when we know we are being observed, or in this case, read. Because we are not face to face it may be easier to be a bit more transparent or cry out for help. People complain about FB but they faithfully stay. Is FB adding some small element of companionship when life gets so busy that we just don’t see each other face to face that much?

I admit I do feel some connection when I hear about births, deaths, pro-life bills that passed, etc. through face book. It is almost like my news channel about people that I know. Some I know better than others; a few in my friends list I have no clue who they are. But FB friends we are. I think face book is good for introverts and extroverts as well for different reasons. I am by nature an introvert. I like people, just not too many at any one time. I do better one on one or small groups. I do fine with large groups as long as I am teaching something. So FB helps me to keep in touch at a comfortable pace.

For an extrovert, those with 300+ friends list, it is pure joy to hear, see, talk, and connect with as many people as possible in the virtual and the real world, for that moment. They forget you the minute you are not in their presence or in their page, but they come back as soon as they see you again.

There are the lurkers and the upfront facebookers. The lurkers navigate to statuses and ppl’s pages in the dark; never acknowledging their presence. So you know, there is an app now that one can find out who visits your page, so watch out! The up-fronters leave comments to everyone they visit as if they were sharing a virtual cup of tea.

Lastly, there is the dilemma of “Why hasn’t she/he accepted me as their friend? It’s been a week since I sent the request”. This opens a can of worms with emotions raging from neediness and rejection, all the way to anger, bargaining to finally acceptance. Then, it is the issue of “Why have they blocked me or removed me as their friend? What have I done to them? Have I said anything offensive? Oh, who needs them after all?”

After analyzing my take on FB with all its pros and cons I have decided that I like it as long as I keep it to my level of comfort and don’t make too much of it. I have found the best part of FB for me is to have been able to reunite with so many long lost old friends and family that it makes the rest worth it and fun. What is the best or worst part of FB for you? Well, I got to go now and check on you!


Helen Bratko and Kelly Near-Allen like this..

Silvia Lakoduk FYI, I have a bit of many of these traits.

December 11 at 1:25pm ·Sara Olson Did you write this? Interesting!

December 11 at 1:45pm ·Helen Bratko Cute article Silvia. I like hearing mundane things, except the ones that say "going to bed" or something equally uninteresting, ok who cares?
I don't take things personally on FB, but I can sometimes get envious of people going on exotic va...cations.
I LOVE FB and spend probably an hour a day on it. I love being in touch with friends and reading blogs.See More

December 11 at 1:55pm Sara Olson Yes, I love being able to stay in touch with all my friends all over the place. FB just makes me feel like we know what one another is doing even though we're all so far apart.

December 11 at 2:01pm .Silvia Lakoduk Thanks Helen, I agree. Sara, I wrote it and that is my favorite part of FB. I recently found someone I haven't heard from for about 35 years.

December 11 at 3:05pm  ·Helen Tsang Mundane things are fine with me, too. It's a way to stay in touch with your friends, letting them know the little bitty things in your life. I think your article pretty much sums up all the FB personalities.

December 12 at 1:34am .Silvia Lakoduk Helen, about ... 2, 3 years ago I wouldn't had seen a picture of your cake and cookies all the way from HK if we didn't have FB and blogs :) I am so glad I can follow parts of your life from the other side of the world. My kids think it's so funny I had to have a coin and find a public phone growing up.

December 12 at 9:20am .Silvia Lakoduk Another thing I should add about FB is the opportunity to pray for other's needs.

December 12 at 9:22am .Helen Tsang I agree. FB has made moving thousands of miles away bearable. It really is an amazing concept.

New Life

New life brings lots of happiness, expectations, responsibilities, as well as concerns and feelings of inadequacy. 

When Josiah was born seventeen years ago, I was tired.  I already had a 31/2 year old daughter and a two year old boy.  Josiah completed our family and proved himself capable of keeping up with our fast family pace.  He seemed to always be striving to keep up, even when it would have been alright to be slower due to his less time on this earth; but Josiah had this uncanny thrive to speed up with his siblings. 

He still does. Maybe because of being the third child, we felt more confident letting him try things sooner.  Or maybe because he proved himself trustworthy and able.  I love Josiah's heart.  He is solid, empathic, kind, loving, caring, and the list goes on. He is my baby and forever will be.

We picked his name from King Josiah in the Old Testament; he acts like a King sometimes, but Josiah was an upright King before the Lord and we prayed that our Josiah would be upright before his Lord.

We moved to Idaho when Josiah was 2 months old, so he didn't remeber California-although he is a native born at Kaiser Santa Teresa - and he used to think he was from Idaho.  Even though he was born in San
Jose, we lived in Marina, Monterey at the time. Long story. Josiah was 5 years old when we came back and settled in San Jose. He used to complain about not having snow in the winters, and not being able to go sledding a block away from our house. 

Josiah adapts beautifully to changes and doesn't complain. He is as loyal as they come and he is a very good judge of character. He senses the "feel" of a room and adapts accordingly. 

I pray God's best for Josiah. I pray his choices will match his Heavenly Father's choices. I pray for physical, emotional and spiritual health to Josiah forever.

I love you Josiah. 
Mom

3-16

Today is March 16, 2010.


In order to make sense out of what I am going to write, I need to explain a couple of things about myself. I am a Christian, what I would call a "practical" Christian. I have given my whole self to the Lord and have gone strong since 1985. However, I have a hard time with some Christians that are religious. Not to be confused with spiritual. I am not much into every other word having to say "If God leads, or lets me, or wills, or allows me." I feel that sometimes we show unnecessary fear. I see it like this: If my son asks me to take a class on Mondays and I say yes, it is settled. But when Monday comes around and he asks again and begs and pleads and does this EVERY MONDAY I would wonder what is wrong with him, wasting all this time and energy for something that it was already understood. Worse yet, if he couldn't get me on the phone and missed the class because he didn't hear my voice (again) approving his going there, then I would be upset with him and even think:"What is wrong, you had my permission!" I wonder if God sometimes thinks that about us-in a much nicer way than me-: "Didn't I tell you it is OK to go to the grocery store without having to ask Me (again)?"

That is how I view many instances when God has already set situations in motion since the beginning of time: "Be fruitful and multiply." He wasn't specific. If we want one child or ten I guess He would leave it up to us. "Go and subdue the earth and its living things". To me that means if you want to move, or change jobs, or read a certain book, or anything at all, we have the freedom, if you don't want to, you don't have to. God would approve it either way and would present us to the new life challenges whatever we do, wherever we go. I believe that's why He gifted us in certain areas. We can put all those ingredients together and make our own decision whithin His moral compass and pre-set boundaries, feeling free to exercise our God given mind, desires and emotions. It is safe to say that I don't see the devil under every rock and God on every move I make. I have the "Promised Land" but I will get there by going through the desert. Our daily battles are ours to fight, and yes, He is with us as we go.

Having said all these, I woke up this morning and a Facebook friend had in his status John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." I always liked this verse, it summarizes God so nicely. A few minutes later, in preparation to going to the bank to make a deposit, I wrote today's date, 3-16. Interesting. After I added up the deposit amount and less cash, the total was...$316.

If anything at all, these "coincidences" made me pause and contemplate this verse for a few minutes. There is so much power in those words, thank you Lord for giving us a way out of perishing to new life. I took this as a little gift to me, that as I travel my "practical" journey I can't forget He is supernatural and will remind me of it every so often. Thank you for that, my Lord.

Another Thought

It is usually my familial kitchen table that inspires my writings.  My thoughts, however, come and go all day long.  I love to see people's eyes light up when they discover that they have choices about their thoughts.  I find it reassuring that the mind is not a helpless mass of directionless neurons, unable to respond to commands.  But controling our thoughts does not happen by accident.

Just as we train our muscles to go from flab to tight, or we train our spirit to go from darkness to light, we can train our mind to go from dread and despair to truth and reality. I said "truth and reality" because most of our dreadful thoughts are not based on truth, but fear.  Overcoming fears is a great place to start receiving truth - truth about a situation or thought.  Isolation makes our fears grow like mold on humid surfaces.  Close relationships help us center when our minds decide to run wild.  But the real work is to train ourselves to learn "to take every tought captive." This could be a constant minute by minute choice for some people.  Some of us will do this by intaking truth through God's word daily. Others will first need repairing of the mind from past experiences before being able to accept truth. We are all in different places, but we are all the same: we all fall short of God's glory and are in need of a Savior. 

Fear, despair, doubt, insecurity, self-destruction - all need to be taken captive and replaced with peace, rest, trust, confidence, and self-protection.  God has secured a place for us, He has given us good instructions for dealing with our own battles. We are instructed to take up our cross daily.

The problem may come when I get tired and unwilling to take up my daily cross and instead, begin to question and doubt.  I start to think too much, just like Eve when she was deceived after having had clear instructions directly from God as to what not to do.  If she, so close to God, was deceived, what hope do I have?  "Our Body Will Follow Our Thoughts," "We Are What We Think," "Self-Talk Is The Most Important Conversation We Have All Day," are just a few reminders that we are responsible to actively work on our thought process.  Awareness, distraction, Scripture, deep breathing, relaxation, music, prayer, friends, are just a few examples to achieve this capture.  So I declare today I will think about ..."whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-I will think about such things."

More Thoughts.

It has been a long time since my last post, and might as well been years that went by. Life changed since the holidays and I am going along practicing all the tools I have in my tool box. Although I don't like this road I am traveling I realize I could not have done it in the past. I feel equipped and grounded, loved and prepared. Since God's will is pretty much a mystery, I follow along hoping for the best, yet preparing for the worse.

I had a client one day tell me that she thought God's plans were like a sick joke; because He was in control, nobody knew the outcome. I was saddened and surprised at first by her belief. Then, I had to give it some thought. That's when I realized that faith is the glue that brings it all together. We either have it or not. Even with lots and lots of faith God will be God and will do what He had already planned. Even without faith He will do the same. So, does it matter what we do with it? Can we change God's plan and mind? I used to tell my kids: "Imagine a girl praying to marry this guy, and then two more girls praying to marry the same guy. Obviously God can't say yes to all three of them. Maybe one will get the guy, or none of them. Let's pretend one of the girls gets the guy. She will be praising the Lord and think great things about Him. At the very same time two other girls will be disappointed and unhappy. One of them may say she did not like the guy that much after all, and move on. The other girl may just say God is a joke and leave Him. "

It is not so much about what God does or does not. It is about how we receive it. He would have done it anyway. I believe He may grant us some prayers according to His will, but mainly it is about our commitment and devotion, believing and following even when the outcome is not what we wanted. He hasn't changed nor will He ever change. “He is the same today, yesterday, and forever.” We, on the other hand, change and become what we allow us to become.

Our faith will be tested, no doubt about that. It is easy to say I will follow Him forever when I am having a great moment in life. My friend just lost her 23 year old daughter to leukemia. To say she didn't struggle with her faith would be a lie, yet she is being refined and purified until the day she sees he daughter again.

We can jump out or stay in. The choice is ours. We may even wander off for a while, hopefully to realize that there is no better place than inside. To all my friends going through hard times I can honestly say: "I understand, hang in there, we will make it through together and hang on God, who, although we may not understand completely, knows what's best."

Another Milestone, Congratulations Christa!

Yesterday was my daughter's graduation from Cosmetology College. Once she takes the State license test she can begin working on her profession.

Christa is very creative, artistic and talented. Even since she was a little girl she loved to paint, draw and create. It was only natural that she would choose a career in that field.

About 17 years ago when Christa was about 3 years old we were driving somewhere and all of a sudden she asked: "Mommy is that Heaven or Hell?" As I turn my head somewhat surprised by her question, I noticed we had just past a cemetery. Her inquisitive young mind was already trying to understand the spiritual side of her, as we were cultivating it daily with bible stories, church, Sunday school and talks about our Lord.

My prayer for my kids was always first about their spiritual life and second about their career choices. Today I praise God because her choices have consistently been about her love for Jesus even when it cost her worldly prices. I have seen her wrestling with options that seemed right at the time but also knowing God had a better plan for her. Christa has been able to discern her own question about "Heaven and Hell" and has grown to trust her Savior to guide her. I am forever thankful to God for my little girl.

If anybody wonders what I responded to her cemetery question: "It's neither Heaven nor Hell, their bodies are there but their spirits are either with the Lord, or without Him."

Christian Meditation

Joshua 1:6-9 (New International Version)

6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Meditation on God's word yields the highest wisdom.  On Psalm 119 there are several verses where the writer meditates on God's decrees, precepts and wonders. 
Psalm 119:97-100 (New International Version)
97 Oh, how I love your law!
I meditate on it all day long.
98 Your commands make me wiser than my enemies,
for they are ever with me.
99 I have more insight than all my teachers,
for I meditate on your statutes.
100 I have more understanding than the elders,
for I obey your precepts.

Christian meditation is one of the better ways to receive insight of what God is trying to say in His word, making His followers wiser than their enemies.  Meditation simply means focused thinking.  I always say if we know how to worry we know how to meditate.  But, the meditation needs to concentrate on His word, not the worries and cares of this world.  I know when I spend time in His word I come out centered, understanding life more clearly.  I feel a sense of peace and security that I lose as soon as I wonder off from Him.  The pull from the world is very strong;  God's voice is soft.  I have to choose to be there listening to it, filling my heart with it. 

Meditation is as ancient as cultures.  Christian meditation is different from eastern meditation because Christian meditation focuses on God and His teachings; not on mantras.   There is a part of us that receives better when we are in solitude, quiet, relaxed.  Our spirit is uncluttered of the many competitors it has all day long.  My peaceful mind is able to concentrate and internalize His precepts and decrees.

There are so many things to meditate about from the bible.  We can meditate on His unfailing love:
Psalm 48:9 (New International Version)
9 Within your temple, O God,
we meditate on your unfailing love.

Or on His works,
Psalm 143:5 (New International Version)
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

Or as mentioned above, on His decrees and precepts, on His word and His love for us. 

There are many physical benefits from Christian meditation as well: it calms the racing mind, especially when there are compulsive thoughts taking over.  It may help reduce blood pressure, and it calms anxiety by reducing cortisol and adrenaline release. 

Proverbs 23:7 "For as he thinks within himself,  so he is."  We are what we think, self-talk is the most important conversation we have all day.  I want to make those inner-talks about God and His love for me by meditating on His word.

To Think or Not to Think...

When I think good, healthy thoughts, my brain creates new neuro-path ways instead of trailing the old well known road to negativity. Science tells me that, I teach it, I use it in my own life. This is true for all of us. However, it isn't that simple. It requires a complete, radical transformation of who I am at my core. It challenges my beliefs from birth and requires lots of work. And like anything worth pursuing, the payoffs are great. 

I wish I could have a "delete" button and -voila'- I start fresh. Decades of negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, depression, self-doubt, self-criticism, perfectionism, victim/ worrier thinking, and more makes these thoughts familiar and comfortable. I don't fight the habit because it is what I know. One lady said: "I don't want to get out of Hell, I know the names of all the streets."

God even gives us Scriptures to dwell on that will help change the neuro- paths to where they need to be:

Philippians 4:6-8 (New King James Version)
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Then why is it so hard to do? Why do I dwell on the bad thoughts instead of renewing my mind?

Partly because it is a default setting, I go there automatically; my sin nature takes me there with ease. To transform and renew my mind I need to make a conscious effort that requires diligence, will and work. It could be compared to working my muscles when I exercise. It takes work, for the most part it is not enjoyable, but once I begin noticing the rewards of my hard work, I find motivation and a desire to continue.

The good news is that I begin to create these new neuro- paths that help me bring my thoughts into captivity much faster that before. Dwelling on "What ifs" that most likely will never happen is not God's plan for my life. Trusting God means giving up trying to control everything, yet being good stewards of what is within my responsibility to manage. There's a big difference.

As I sit here contemplating life, I begin to recount Jesus' life. He had many reasons to feel sorry for Himself, but I doubt very much He did. I am sure He didn't go through life thinking how unfair His lot was. I wonder if He ever felt self-conscious when teaching, say, the sermon on the Mountain or the Parables. Did He ever worry Himself sick with feelings of inadequacy, or self-doubt, or drive Himself crazy with perfectionism or self-criticism? Did He ever feel like telling somebody off? How about road rage pushing other donkeys out of His way? He didn't even own a donkey, He walked everywhere he went and I am sure His cholesterol was fine; after all He got plenty of exercise and ate lots of fish. He spent time with the Father in regular basis, plus He loved people and had compassion for them. Even those who hated Him, falsely accused Him, even those who crucified and killed Him.

I am told to be more like Jesus as I walk the walk. What does that mean? I wonder what life would be if I got up in the morning and made a list of things I were to accomplish that had nothing to do with my own gain. What if my to do list was: 1. Go to Kaiser and visit three terminally ill patients, 2. Bring a meal to a sick friend, 3. Go Christmas shopping for homeless children, 4. Love your family regardless, 4. Expect nothing, 5. Love some more. Could I ever do this and not think about me, me, me, and my needs, and my wants, and my fitness, and my need for vacation, and the list goes on.

If -and that's the operative word- I was able to do that, would I be happier? Could it be that I am extremely self-preoccupied, self-absorbed, self-ish? It is a well known fact that in third world countries people have almost nothing yet they are happier. Need produces a bonding experience that removes "the have to have this to be happy" deception. I many times wonder if it would even be possible to ever experience His life to the fullest. Is suffering what helps me to become closer to my King?

As I write this blog, I am surrounded by sad situation after sad situation that is happening to Christians around me. Is it becoming an epidemic? Where does one go to not catch it? There is nowhere but back to Him. Is that what it will take to bring us back to Him?

I sound like Solomon in Ecclesiastes! I guess I am mourning with those who are mourning today.

As Jesus was a "man of many sorrows," so are we. Yet He promised "not to leave us nor forsake us." As I go through the valley of death He is walking along side with me. As I, in the physical realm, believe and internalize His many promises, and dwell on them, I begin to create new hopeful neuro- pathways in my brain that will help to bring together my body, mind and Spirit to be of one accord.

Sarai (last)

Rest in Peace Sarai Moreno Britt (1986-2009)

Old Friend Reconnection.

This past week-end has been a roller-coaster of feelings and emotions triggered by sad and happy things taking place.

We went to Arizona for Thanksgiving to visit Everett's parents and on our way up we stopped to visit Sarai. We were not able to see her, but I visited with her mom for a short while. She is devastated to say the least, but has accepted the brutal reality of what it is soon to come. I am glad I saw her and very, very sad for what is happening.

In Arizona we had a great time; Everett's parents are the best cooks in the world and it was a great family time.

When we came back I reconnected with a friend whom I haven't heard of or seen for about 20 years. It took me right back to my youth and to the old group of friends that used to hang out together at the time. It took me to see what each one of them is doing today, some doing well, others not so well. Time is a weird thing. So it's our brain.

As I am writing this I am preparing for my Addiction and Recovery certification and just yesterday re-visited the difference between explicit and implicit memory. Explicit memory is the ability to recall some fact, information, or episode of life, in which you are aware that you are deliberately recalling the fact, information or episode. Implicit memories starts at birth (sometimes in-utero) and are the recorded feelings, sensations, and emotional experience associated with an event which are recalled automatically. It bypasses our pre-frontal cortex and goes straight to our limbic system, which is the "right now"part of the brain.

Certain memories, smells, feelings take us right back to being "there." When someone suffers from past trauma, one of the therapies applied is to help them recall the experience through the pre-frontal cortex having the person narrate the experience using the "thinking" part of the brain. This way it becomes a part of their life story, instead of being "felt" and re-lived and instantly being sent back to the experiential sensations of the limbic system. The hippocampus allows a memory to go from implicit to explicit.

All this to say that this weekend I went back to my past -triggered by an old friend- and it took me directly to the past bypassing my pre-frontal cortex. The memories don't have to be traumatic, but it is the traumatic ones that people need help overcoming. In a split second someone  could be sent back to their horrible experience, whatever that may be, induced by a sound or scent. This is common with our soldiers suffering from PTSD.

We have all been transported to our past, so you know what I am talking about. Now you know what is going on with your brain as well. I find it fascinating.

My friend is doing great, married for 20 years, has two more kids and living in Costa Rica with his family.

Natural Remedies for Anxiety and Depression?

I wonder how natural ways to help manage anxiety and depression are becoming well-known as scientific research improves on what causes the symptoms.

Is it fair to say that anxiety and depression could be the result of our fallen state? Our real self vs. our ideal self keep bumping into each other. We were created to be perfect and now we find ourselves in a imperfect world trying, to the best of our knowledge, to be perfect. But our imperfect minds don't know how to be perfect so we start judging ourselves and others, placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves, husband, kids, friends, family; telling ourselves that we should do this and that and be like so and so.

When we compare ourselves to others we lose because I compare my "true" self with your "front" self and I look bad. I don't know what is going through your head but I do know what is going through mine, and it isn't pretty. I have news for you, yours isn't pretty either!

Anyway, part of it is to realize that we are fellow strugglers, not super humans. Community brings reality to our expectations of all the "shoulds", "must" "ought", "have tos" that we place on ourselves and others. We need to go easy with one another and be kind and compassionate to ourselves.

Journaling is a great way to bring our thoughts captive. When one comes, I sit down and counter it with the truth of the situation and scripture. I compare it to how God really sees it vs. my distorted view. Once I understand it, I take action. I make a plan to make the situation better, I explain to myself that this is not true. I plan my finances, my kids education, my relationships, whatever brings the source of my discontent.

Taking action is a great depression- anxiety buster because we have a lot to do with our own happiness. Being connected to good friends is necessary to bring us back to center when we wander off. I am a firm believer on the power of small groups, support groups, any group that is open to share, not pretend everything is fine. Caution: it isn't that easy to find them, but when you do, it's a gift. Cloud and Townsend say "there is no healing in a vacuum." We need others.

Surrounding ourselves with scripture or short affirmations does wonders. Post-its all around your office, kitchen, bathroom mirror help to remember that the enemy comes to lie, steal and destroy us, but we are surrounded with truth.

These natural remedies for stress and anxiety and sometimes depression are found in the Bible.

I marvel that as science keeps advancing and finding "new" ways to cope, God had already said it in His Word. I would prescribe it once or twice daily for the rest of my life.

Anyone with depression should seek professional help as hormones, physical issues and/or clinical depression may be the cause among others.

Nice to Remember

God is the Boss.

God would provide; we would depend

God would be in charge; we would yield

God was the judge; we would experience Life

God made the rules; we would obey

(From a book I'm reading)

Sarai (part II)

In January 2008 I posted about Sarai's fight against cancer. (Please read it if you want the full story)

As life has it, Sarai had a bone marrow transplant from her brother, who was a perfect match, and there were high hopes of remission. She went back into a semi-normal life for a very short time. A few months. At one of her blood tests check-ups the doctors were surprised at how quickly the cancer had returned.

As they decided to go for a second transplant, her brother's blood was 100% in her veins, and they had the same DNA. Weird to think that. In fact someone told me they had to report this to the police just in case Sarai ever decided to go kill someone, her brother wouldn't be to blame; or vice-verse.

Doctors were having high expectations and her family was brimming with hope. I got an email last night that Sarai's cancer had returned, aggressively this time, and no much hope was the prognosis. All they would do now is chemo to keep her home for as long as the Lord decides.
Sarai is 23 years old.

Stories like these bring some perspective in my own life, and the silly things I may concern myself with. I can hardly imagine the pain they are going through. My prayers are with them, and needless to say I am quite sad at the bad news.

Blessings

"The secret of contentment is the realization that life is a gift, not a right."

I wouldn't be writing this today if my Lord hadn't granted me another day.

I am blessed to have the family that God has given me.
I am blessed by the beautiful sunshine peeking through my window.
I am blessed by the soft music playing in the background.
I am blessed by the special people in my life.
I am blessed by my pets.
I am blessed by my -oh- so comfortable bed, and my warm house, and my car, and, and, and...

There is so much more. Why dwell on what I don't have? I will continue in this thankful mood for a while longer. It is relaxing physically and spiritually. What are you blessed by today?

Guilty Christian?

Someone once said: "A Guilty Christian is an Oxymoron."

I like that. I agree too. Probably every Christian would agree. So why do we not believe it? Or at least, live as if we believe it?


Guilt is a nasty feeling and a very misunderstood one. It began as soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they felt separated from God, bringing for the first time the feeling of guilt and shame. Many Christians believe that if they feel very guilty after a sermon, God was speaking to them. Just because they felt guilty. So what happens the following week when they don't feel guilty? Who was God speaking to? Why not happiness, if I feel happy after a service God was speaking to me, or sadness, or anger. Why feeling guilty means God's voice? Because the word guilty gets confused with Godly sorrow or conviction.


God does not send guilty messages to us. Our feeling guilty is our own problem. The difference between Godly sorrow and guilt is that the latter is perceived from the self. Godly sorrow is perceived from the "others" point of view. When God or somebody "makes" me feel guilty, I am only seeing how I feel regardless of the other person. I want to feel good again. When I feel Godly sorrow, my attention goes to "how I make others feel." "Others" focused instead of "self" focused. Guilt takes us back to the Law. Godly sorrow brings repentance.

Thank you Jesus because you paid our debt once and for all!